Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, you know the deal...

• Ugh I love when men smell good.  Like they're just standing by you and you can smell their cologne.  I have to control myself.
• I was told that I have a beautiful smile and that I should smile more.  Let me take this into consideration.
• Jim Jones's way of proposing will forever be a classic.  Just hold a ring out in front of a woman and have her crying without even dropping down on one knee.  Harlem n*gga sh*t.
• My coworker said she was twerking on this guy, turned around, and asked him 'Do you wanna dance front-wards" which ended with the guy walking off.  I seriously laughed my butt off.  It's so funnnnnnnny because I can see her doing this.
• I've yet to find anyone to do these Body Party moves on.  Like seriously, I'm ready to use this dance routine.
• I've seen a lot of natural hair photos of girls with nose rings.  The itch is coming back ya'll!
• Had a French customer.  I saw his passport and all.  We also shared moments of smiling and giggling at each other while I rang him up.  He wants me.
• Love & Hip Hop recap:
• Stevie J really thinks he can compare himself to be close to the level of Prince, Michael Jackson, and Quincy Jones.  Chileeeeeee get off your high horse.
• I also don't understand how Stevie J can disagree with Mimi regarding whose around their child.  
• Why in the hell does Shay a.k.a. Buckey talk like she's about to fight someone at any minute?
• Traci really has a problem if she's broken windows and beaten girls up regarding Drew.  Like she was/is crazy.
• I feel like Kirk would put Rasheeda out on the corner if it wouldn't cost him anything and he got a check.  Which is a bad thing to say about someone's husband.
• So Kirk still thinks that the pull out method is an effective method of birth control?  How old is he?!  I see why he has grandkids already.
• Shay knows she better stay in the "kingdom" or else she won't be getting a check from VH1.
• Drew is a perv and this whole interview thing only confirms Traci is crazy.
• This girl is gonna regret all these tattoos later in life.
• Scrappy's dad is a pretty good looking man and he looks younger than Momma Dee.
• Joseline really thinks she's hot sh*t.  Like, outside of this show I have yet to hear any music besides Bailar.  Which had no music video.
• Drama just follows K. Michelle.
• Can someone who doesn't have a career really ruin someone else's career though Nikko?  
• When Mimi gets mad I get a vibe that she had a sex change.  IDK why she just seems real masculine.
• This Hit The Floor Show doesn't really have the greatest dancers in regards to these two Black leads. Like Kimberly Elise's daughter doesn't do anything but freaking pirouettes it seems, yet they're making her seem like she's a threat to the current team captain who doesn't do anything but give good Ohhhh-I-Want-You-To-Take-My-Panties-Off Face.  Also Clark Kent a.k.a. Superman from the 90's is on this show.
• My Mom and I had a conversation about men this week.  She pretty much just told me never to accept gifts from guys who just claim to want to be friends.  Because overtime with each gift they're just gonna be tryna get to your "goods."  I think this is the first time we've had a conversation like this. You ain't never told no lie.
• Ummm I'm watching this show "I'm Married To..." and this woman is an adult film star, but what I want to say is that she put her vibrator in the dishwasher and her boyfriend just made it seem like a normal thing.  Like ewwww...I hope there were no dishes in there.
• Not sure how I feel about this movie The Purge.  I don't want it inspiring these crazy mofos out here to kill folks.
• Well I'm working with the "babies" this summer.  I'm excited.  My paraprofessional is quite the character I can tell already.  She's been in the game for 27 years.
• Bucca di Peppo better stop playing games adn credit this money back to my account.  Talking about it would only take a hour.  Liars!  Wednesday's meal is about to be free and they're about to give me a gift card if this isn't worked out soon.
• LisaRaye will be in a new movie called Lap Dance...and a reality show about preacher's wives seeing how her boyfriend ins a pastor.  Does anyone else find this funny?  And isn't she like 50?  It's too late to be repeating movies that started your "career" at that age.
• This Girl Code show is hilarious.
• Google a man named LeRoy Bell.  Check out his age.  Be amazed.
• Here's to hoping Amanda Bynes gets her life together soon.
• I finally had the chance to bust that $10 resume paper out that I got in February.  Yeahhhhhh not fully sure why this stuff cost that much, but oh well.  Oh and my footer didn't fit which means I wasted expensive paper and expensive ink.  Ain't that a witch.
• Girls out here getting herpes after trying Rihanna's Riri Woo.  The jokes write themselves I swear.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• I wonder how having a baby has affected Blac Chyna's ability to make her booty clap.
• My boss gave me a $10 coupon to Chili's for being a good employee.  He said he didn't want me to feel like I was unappreciated.  Then someone said they knew I would be successful because I was a hard worker.  It's the little things. 
• Once a week every woman should walk/sexy walk/dance around her room/apartment/house naked to this Mariah Carey and Miguel song "Beautiful."  I'm serious.
• I think I'm realizing that I don't like "amplified" lipstick from MAC.  Too bad I'm just discovering this out after spending $30 over some time with them.
• Love & Hip Hop recap:
• This dude Drew is stupid.  This is one of the types of men my Dad has warned me of.
• Scrappy is right about if you're going through someone's phone you're going through it with some type of intention, but I guess it's hard not to with the history Erica has said of his.
• Pouring salt around your bed to keep sex demons away.  Once again, this proves that K. Michelle has some issues.
• WTF Kirk has grandkids?!  Dude how old is this man?!
• Sooooo we have anniversaries with our side chicks now?
• Do fat girls love chocolate cake?  THIS is how you know a man loves you.  I mean how can this not be the best comparison to how much you love someone?
• This woman has entirely too many tattoos, but her butt is amazing.  She actually looks like Keyshia Cole.
• Chileeeeee Rasheeda all types of knocked up.  
• If The Great Gatsby doesn't win an Oscar for anything else, it deserves a best costume award.  Like seriously the suits and the dresses were beautiful.
• I was talking to this really cute soldier and my friend just ruined it by walking out.  Bad wing woman.  Bad.
• Oh yeah, it seems like the best way to flirt is simply looking three times, some how making your way across the room, and smiling while making eye contact again.  I read this in Glamour and asked the boy at Hollister if it worked.  His response, "I like eye contact."  What normal person doesn't sweetheart.  
• I think I'll submit my recent beach photos for the JET Beauty of the Week.  I'm just saying.
• For my new program they encouraged us to clean up our social media websites.  I don't have a Twitter (anymore) but I obviously have a Facebook.  This isn't my fear.  My fear is that they'll find my Tumblr.  I'm afraid for anyone to find my Tumblr.  Wait, does that count as social media?
• So Paris Hilton is tryna make a comeback.  She recently got signed to Cash Money for like, a record contract.  That's not hot Birdman.
• I just don't understand why the writing on The Game is sooooooo bad.  Like it takes BET a whole year to premiere a new season of a show that last for like two or three months, but the writing still seems so basic.  In addition to that who in the hell thought when you lose your virginity you bleed?  When Blue said that I was like, "What the hell?!"  It's not a universal thing for women.  
• Beyonce's single dropped...somewhat.  It's basic as hell but will do for now.
• Kanye West is just doing stuff now to make people think he's a devil worshiper now I feel.  I bet he's one of the main people giving that actual 10% for tithes but has some of ya'll thinking otherwise.
• Having to buy a whole new wardrobe is fun, but not cheap.  #CareerWomanProblems #ThisIsntTwitterButImHashtaggingItAnyways
• Morgan Freeman out here falling asleep during live interviews and coming back with responses of, "I wasn't actually sleeping, I'm a beta tester for Google Eyelids, I was merely updating my Facebook page."  Nice one Mr. Freeman.  Nice one.
  
• Miguel out here leg dropping women.  He should be in the WWE.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• PSA!!!  Watch what you say because you never know who's around you.  I encountered a very ignorant blonde girl Friday after UGA graduation at a bar who said she left one bar because it "looked like Africa."  She turned around and saw me and my other friend who happened to be Black waiting to get into the same bar she was trying to get in.  Easy to say she walked in pretty damn fast.  I guess the bars in Athens need to post their Black limit up outside so that poor girl doesn't have to encounter that problem again.
• I'm ready to get out of this damn house.
• Why in the hell has it taken my book a damn week to get from Washington D.C. to Atlanta?!  
• Love & Hip Hop Recap:
• Why am I watching a scene of what seems like Joseline and Stevie J getting it on?  That ain't cool.
• I guess Rasheeda knew Kirk was going to the strip club.  If not that must have been an awkward moment in the house yesterday.
• Why must K. Michelle be so immature and ghetto?  This is why she'll truly never succeed in the industry.  She's just so damn extra.
• Why is it a big deal if Benzino showed Karlie Redd a tape of Joseline playing with herself?  If I'm correct that video was on World Star Hip Hop so it really wasn't private.
• K. Michelle going to the OB/GYN trying to see why her vagina is "broke."  Also why are they having these damn conversations about finding a man after he just checked all up in her vagina?!
• Traci is crazy.  Why is she cursing this girl out as if she caught her sleeping with her man?  Also how can she say she didn't choose the baby mama lifestyle when she laid down with this man unprotected and unmarried?  Ma'am you kind of did pick the lifestyle.
• Who is this tatted up woman with the mouth full of braces that's gonna be featured on next week's episode?
• Oprah has allowed Tyler Perry to produce not one but TWO shows on her network.  Why Oprah?  Why?!
• Registered for The Color Run finally!  Time to actually train now.
• Soooooo did Steve Urkel have no family?  Because I'm watching this Christmas episode of Family Matters and he's all alone.
• I nearly experienced what I thought was death this week as I threw up five times and other stuff.  I was just waiting to see the light.  Of course it was only a stomach virus, but that's not the point.
• I try not to talk about Kim Kardashian too much because she's pregnant, but Lord Jesus her feet look like pig feet in this picture.  Give it up ma'am.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• I finally saw clothes from the Kardashian collection at Sears.  Some of the clothes are really cute, but they're some damn fools if they think I'm about to pay $30+ for a black dress that you can see through.
• I had a customer offer to marry me if he were younger.  I told him I wouldn't be ready.  That was the end of our love affair.
• Finally got around to reading This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz.  I was translating at least one word every page and brushing up on some Spanish at the same time.  It was a pretty good book though.  Very easy read.
• Love & Hip Hop Review
• I'm convinced that K. Michelle really can't fight.  Because everytime she gets in a argument she throws something instead of swinging.
• I wish Mama Dee would stop making these "kingdom" references.  Your son has never been close to being the prince of anything outside of your house.
• Why are Scrappy's sunglasses so big?  Didn't that look go out a good five years ago?
• Joseline's body is crazy...fake boobs and all.  She's stepped her weave game up too.
• Chile Mama Dee needs to be Scrappy's security guard.
• It just took Erica pushing Scrappy and cursing his mom out (although Mama Dee has been extremely disrespectful to her) for him to ask for his ring back.  Also they obviously don't need to be together if they're calling each other "b*tch."
• Also if Scrappy has all this money he should get his mom a nicer weave.  Got her over there looking like a busted poodle.
• I freaking love this Kay's Jeweler commercial were the boy takes his girlfriend to look at rings and promises to her in the store.
• While shopping in 2nd & Charles (a used bookstore) I came across books titled The 48 Laws of the Game:  Pimpology and How To Get and Keep A Black Man In A Relationship.  Before you reread that sentence again I just want you to know that you read the titles right.  This only proves my point that I too can write a book.  Be on the lookout for my first book entitled Why White Women Are Constantly Winning in 2015.
• For those of you who question if I'm a writer after that last rambling my only response to you is:  B*tch I might be!
• Learned how to bake chicken.  Don't judge me.  One step closer to being a housewife once again.
• I'm convinced that Biggie Smalls' "Juicy" is one of the most sampled songs in R&B and Hip Hop, and the thing is the song was sampled off of another song.
• No matter how truthful Charles Ramsey was, in regards to race in his interview about rescuing a group of kidnapped girls, I can't help but find some of the stuff he said to be funny.
• Just watched Boyz N The Hood.  Never forget that Cuba Gooding Jr. got some from Nia Long after all that crying.  Never.  Forget.
• I really wish somebody other than Mahogany made cards aimed towards Black people.  Like it's ridiculous that only one company makes cards aimed towards the Black community.  I want my Mom to have a card with a woman who has a skin tone like hers too damn it!  The same goes for mom's of other ethnic groups too.
• I seriously wish there was an H&M closer to me.  Even though they always advertise this cute, cheap stuff that I can never find.
• Kanye West is officially taking things too far with this I Am God track.  You can't go from Jesus Walks to THIS.  I'm gonna wait for the song to come out before I cast too much judgment though.
• I'm still on the search for my Fitz.
• James and Cyrus's marriage isn't gonna last long.
• Boyz II Men are in Old Navy commercials now.  Say it ain't so!

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, you know the deal...

• Not sure but I think I got employee of the month at my job sometime this year.  I just noticed I had a "cast member bonus" listed on my Year-To-Date stuff on my check.  Oh welllll...
• Last Friday I was in Aerie shopping for bras and this older lady was looking for bras as well.  I think she wanted something with some padding because the sales associate was helping her and next thing I know she says, "Yeah I need something to add some perk because my kids have sucked my dry."  I tried so hard not to laugh but couldn't stop myself.  Following that I went into the dressing room and had moment of silence for my boobs and their current "perkiness."  
• Attempt number two of my aunt trying to set me up with the pastor failed miserably again.  She thought he had a girlfriend and at the end of the event we were at she walked up to me apologizing for interrupting my conversation with him.  Then wanted to REINTRODUCE us saying he said she had "messed him up."
• I rode a horse.  I wish I had the chance to take it out on a trail like a did back in high school, but just riding in a circle will have to suffice for the time being.
• It seems I got Employee of the Month at my job.  My reaction upon discovering this:  It's about damn time.
• I had zero clue that McDonald Happy Meals were banned in San Francisco.  
• I didn't realize how expensive horse back riding was until now.  Geez!
• These Durex commercials are something serious boy!  I'm not even sure if I've ever seen a Durex commercial but that's not important.
• The Place Beyond the Pines was an AWESOME movie!  Both of my white men were in it looking sexy...minus the tattoos that Ryan Gosling had.
• Group of minor league baseball players came to my job and they were all fine.  #PantiesOff
• Just found out there's something called a...butt plug.  Ya'll I'm too innocent for this.
• J. Cole's tweet to Tia Mowry after she tried to inquire about a song in which J. Cole mentioned her and Tamera was hilarious.
• Watched Pain & Gain.  OMG freaking AWESOME movie!  Like these dudes were straight out idiots and deserved to get caught.  I read that the real life surviving victim and family members of deceased victims didn't appreciate how the Sun Gym gang guys were portrayed as  goofballs, but if there's one thing I learned in screenwriting class it's that you have to make a way for your audience to like your main characters, even if they're bad guys.
• I guess nobody wanted to remind me that Rihanna's lipstick went on sale Thursday.  Now I have to wait until damn June.
• I seriously don't know how I feel about this Beyonce and Andre 3000 version of Back to Black.  It  has more of a rock vibe I will say, but nothing tops Amy Winehouse.  
• I have this AWESOME idea for a new part of my blog.  I really don't write much on here (unfortunately) besides my Friday Ramblings, but this new idea is really good.  I just have to put it in action.
• I need to bust out these Under Armour booty shorts, but the men at the gym ain't ready for it.
• Olivia Pope has not one, but TWO sexy white men fighting for her love and affection (insert Future voice).  Is there a book out on how to achieve this in my life?
• Speaking of Scandal, I see Republicans like oral sex just as much as the Democrats.  That's in reference to Cyrus and his husband.
• My Mom had the nerve to say my brother doesn't have to get her a Mother's Day gift, but I do.  Ummmm I'm the one who just graduated from college.  He's a GROWN man.