I'm Not Saying She's A Gold Digger: Do Men Need To Spend A Ton Of Money On Women?

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Do Men Really Need To Spend Money To Capture A Woman's Heart?

I recently ordered Essence relationship columnist’s Demetria Lucas’s book A Belle In Brooklyn:  The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and decided to pick it up today after taking a far too long break.  In the chapter, The Atlanta Fiasco, Demetria talks about her friend Eddie and how he was one of her top-five dates from the time they sat on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial just talking.  The quote that followed really struck a chord with me.

‎”When a guy has a personality and something to say, he doesn’t need to spend money to be memorable.”

Now I’m not the most experienced in the dating field, but I have to say this is true.  Of the three men I’ve gone out on dates with (two of which I’ve dated, the other was just…yeah) some of my favorite dates have been ones that just involve walking around talking.  I’m not saying every date a man takes you on should involve little to no money being spent, but I think you can find out if a man is a keeper from dates like this.  Dates where a ton of money is being spent is nothing more than a gimmick to me.  I know for a fact that there are men out there who think, “Well if I spend a lot of money on her she’ll ignore the fact that I don’t know how to carry a conversation because I have no life.”  I’ve had memorable dates that cost a nice chunk of change for a young adult in college and I’ve also had dates that involved doing the simplest things.

I’ve always felt that it’s the man’s job to plan dates so between my first boyfriend and my current boyfriend I must say my current boyfriend is in the lead for most memorable dates by a LONG stretch.  The most memorable date from my first boyfriend was Valentine’s Day 2009.  He came to visit me from Alabama dressed in his military uniform and gave me a teddy bear with matching dress blues.  He’s did other things that were sweet, but the further we got into our relationship it just seemed like going back to his house to watch a movie after eating was our typical date.  Yes, these are cheap dates but doing the same thing over and over doesn’t make anything “memorable” just routine.  He was always willing to spend a ton of money to see me or send me flowers for an anniversary, but he NEVER took the time out to really think of something I said I wanted to try out.

Now when it comes to my current boyfriend I might be biased in regards to our dates, but they’ve all been fabulous.  We’ve gone to the aquarium, ice skating, dancing, and a Kevin Hart show to name a few.  I think the most memorable date we’ve had though was when I was home for Spring Break this year.  What did he do you ask?  He cooked dinner for me.  That’s right.  Dinner.  Lemon pepper wings and mashed potatoes.  Sure it was nothing extravagant, but there was no wait to be seated or no waitress to constantly annoy us in hopes of receiving a larger tip.  Just he and I on a rainy day in March sitting in his kitchen eating a meal he took the time out to make and watching a movie in his room afterwards.  I think what made it so memorable was why he did.  I was constantly complaining about how my Mom never cooked meals anymore since I started college.  So the week before I came home he told me he was going to treat me to a home cooked meal. 

I also think this is a good way for a man to tell if a woman is really into him or what he has to offer financially.  A gold digger will become bored.  Any woman who truly loves you will be more than willing to take up a date offer that includes nothing more than laying on your couch while rubbing her feet and talking about politics or reflecting on previous good times that you’ve had.