Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Sooooooo Kim Kardashian admits that Kanye is the reason she became a horrible dresser.  Well I think she kind of admitted that on Kourtney & Kim.
• I saw Spring Breakers.  What I learned from that film:  (1)  If you had to choose which Disney girl was the trillest Vanessa Hudgens would win hands down.  (2)  James Franco cannot rap.  (3)  If acting doesn't cut it anymore for Mr. Franco he can always pimp himself out or go into male porn.  He gave those two guns a major blow job.  (3) Whoever braided Mr. Franco's hair might have braided it a bit to tight.  I saw a few tension bumps around the edges.  (4)  It's normal to cut from a scene with girls talking about their need for penis to that of young adults getting jacked up on Jesus.  (5)  I GOT SHORTS!  I GOT SHORTS IN ERR COLOR!!!
• Why is Ciara's CD Fantasy Ride $12.99 on iTunes?  Like that album bombed like no other when it came out.  Ish should be $5.
• Can someone give Robin Thicke my number?
• Speaking of Mr. Thicke (that last name is sexy), why is it that I don't have any of his albums?
• What freaking fountain of youth is Pharrell drinking from?!?!  He's nearly 40 and looks like he's in his 20's.
• There's a man in my cycling class who can make a legit air horn sound with his mouth.  It took me a few weeks to figure out it was him and not the CDs that Sheena was playing.
• I swear Nike makes like the most comfortable workout pants.
• My review on The Game:
• Ciara's legs are to die for.
• Lauren London.  Thank your parents for giving you those good looks.  If not you would not have a career.
• Did Jason Pitts really just say he wished his father was dead so he could enjoy Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father?  Negro what?!
• Ciara's dress was extremely short and what are they talking about she just got off tour with Justin Timblerlake?  The writers of this show know they're trying to hype her on life support career up.
• I could have sworn Derwin didn't drink.
• So is headbutting becoming the new form of fighting these days?
• Is it bad that my only thought into the first 35 minutes of this show is getting a waffle with some scrambled eggs at Waffle House?
• Since when has Stanford created number one draft picks?
• TV shows make random hook ups seem so easy.   
• Did Jay-Z give consent to let his name be used in this show?
• When I think about Derwin deserves to get traded for not supporting Melanie.
• Well damn Ciara slept with The Blueprint.  I thought Lauren London's character was her friend.  His body was her party.
• Tasha Mack's voice is still annoying as hell.
• How is this show still surviving?
• Stacy from Let's Stay Together is the ish!  I'm her in a few years.
• Vodka=Ratchet Water...I LOVE IT!!!!
• After my cycling class I ran two miles.  When I got off the treadmill I thought I was walking on air.  Like I just floated over to the paper towels and disinfectant spray.  Praise God I didn't fall over.
• Finally saw Olympus Has Fallen.  Now minus a few things that made no sense that movie was awesome.  Now take in mind I highly doubt there's any secret service agent that's THAT bad ass making them capable of taking down an entire terrorist group but Gerard Butler will suffice.  Also I'm not really into Asian guys but Rick Yune can get it...if we got married.  I didn't like Angela Bassett's wig either.  Watch out for Asian tourist though ya'll.
• If you go to O'Charleys get that honey glazed chicken with a Spiked Southern Lemonade.  DELICIOUS!
• Dr. King was trill ya'll.
• Hope everyone has an awesome Easter a.k.a. New York Fashion Week in the Black church.  I already got my 24 inch Indian Remy weave to help celebrate Jesus rising again.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• So Ashanti is denying that she ever had a relationship with Nelly.  Please note that they were allegedly together for ten years.  I don't know what to believe with those two.  If they never had a relationship I don't understand why he was never with that new girl way before.  
• Lance Gross has a girlfriend. *falls to the floor*  WHY LAWD?!?!
• Evelyn Lozada's body is sickkkkkkkkk!  
• New music from Beyonce!  It's only about a minute or two singing and the rest is like this chopped & screwed version of her talking about her childhood.  She was in that Willie D video when she was like 14 (she sure as hell doesn't look 14) looking crazy ya'll.
• Allergy season is about to be in full effect.  My throat was extremely scratchy this past weekend and now I can't breathe.  Time to suffer because allergy meds don't work for me it seems.
• Tony Goldywn a.k.a. Fitz from Scandal was the voice behind Disney's Tarzan it seems.  Tarzan's attractiveness as a cartoon just increased.
• Sooooo I discovered Yoplait had/has cosmopolitan flavored yogurt.  I was close to buying it, but it came in a pack of eight.  Four being the cosmo flavor and four being the mixed fruit.  I didn't want to risk my money.
• In other news Lipton Honey & Tea: Dragon fruit and Peach is pretty damn good.
• Looked at some sheet music and could barely read the notes.  I think it's time to sit down at the piano and dust off my music abilities.  
• Please tell me why I went to this cycling class and the instructor said to leave the resistance on, but I clearly saw her take the resistance off of hers.
• So on Preachers' Daughters the Black girl has lied to her parents about a damn house party when she went to a hotel party that her ex put on.  Chileeeeeeeeee her dad's congregation is probably side eyeing the pastor's family.  The same goes for the girl with the baby.  She didn't even know who the father of her child was.  Bless her heart.  Last but not least the good girl.  Poor Kolby broke down when she found out her sister didn't wait until marriage to have sex.
• I was watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and discovered Dr. Preston Burke (the black doctor who used to blow Christina Yang's back out) is a Kappa.  Who would have known.
• I wonder if my old high school math teacher is still married to her husband.  I ask that because I swear within their first year of marriage she never had anything nice to say about him and by my senior year she was telling us about some show that told folks how to kill people without being caught.  One thing I do know is that if she killed him she's yet to be caught.
• Jurassic Park is being re-released.  I've never seen it before so I'm rather excited.
• I just imagined what it would feel like getting my nipples pierced and my legs gave out.  One more thing I won't be getting done in life.
• Dude, Bow Wow is 26!!!!  Like seriously that negro is getting old!
• Can someone please tell Keyshia Cole to sit down with her Beyonce hate.  Honey ain't nobody checking for you.  Hell have you even been on a world tour?  Yeah last I checked nobody was trying to sell body parts on the black market for your concert tickets.
• My parents need to send me to New Orleans on vacation.  Last time I went there I was 9 and my brother tried scaring me with all this voodoo talk.  No worries now.  I'm 23 and ready for Bourbon Street.
• Miley Cyrus is out here twerking and people are going crazy.  How long have Black girls been twerking?  Someone please pay homage to Twerk Team.
• I want to get my hair straightened!!!!  There's just too many factors that come into play as why I don't get it done.  The price and the huge possibility of me sweating it out at the gym.  Yes, black girl problems.  I should have just kept my relaxer.
• What in the hell is happening to Amanda Bynes?  I just saw that she got her cheeks pierced like Blac Chyna.  It's as if she's gone crazy.
• I had my first conference call for my teaching program.  I'm officially on boss status. *swings hair*

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Dear customers please stop trying to argue me down over coupons.  If your coupon expired I don't care.  I don't care if it just expired the day before.  It's no good.
• I went to my first cycling class.  I would like everyone to know that on that day I had bacon & ranch fries from Bruster's because I figured I'd just be a fatty.  I swear to you all once I started sweating I could smell the bacon and ranch oozing out of my skin.
• Does frozen yogurt count as a dessert?  Say no.
• This show Preachers' Daughters is pretty interesting.  I want to say the black girl is the worst, but she's second in line.  One girl has a baby and is unsure of who the father is.  That's pretty bad.  Then there's the one girl whose mom keeps saying "finger sex."  Of course "finger sex" is like the gateway sex to all that other stuff like backdoor sex, oral sex, and penetration.  Say no young girls.
• Brittany wants Havana Twist this summer.  I will get those.
• I really want to go buy a canvas, paint, and paint brushes.  Like I've always found painting to be cool and enjoyable even if I can barely draw a circle...or straight line.
• Thank you FedLoan service for reminding me that I have to start making payments in three more months.  You're oh so kind.
• Kim Kardashian is doing blood facials.  WTF?!  I guess whatever keeps Kanye happy.
• Did I ever tell you guys about the time I made homemade mashed potatoes?  No?  Oh I just wanted to let ya'll know I could do that.
• I want to go down to Louisiana and try some of Ms. Kay's food.  It sounds so good and extra Southern redneck.  
• The best episodes of First 48 are the ones were the suspect comes into the interrogating room and say, "You know I ain't kill nobody right?"  Ummm excuse me?  Can you just wait for them to ask you questions before making yourself sound guilty?
• My local Goodwill failed me in regards to jewelry.  All I wanted was a nice necklace.  Oh well I'll go to the one on Washington Road.
• I seriously want to block my Dad's number.  This man calls the house and my cell phone EVERYDAY.  I live here with him.  He didn't even call me this much when I was in college.
• Oz the Great and Powerful was just...boring to me.  I feel like it had a lot to do with the screenwriting, James Franco, and Mila Kunis.  Just things about those three things didn't sit right with me.  Also Oz somehow managed to have sex with at least two of the sisters.  Their parents didn't teach them anything about getting to know a man I guess.
• My kick boxing class has deceived me!  I went in there expecting to kick and punch a bag.  No I was just swinging at the air.  Where's the fun in that?  At least there was a good ab workout at the end.
• I've been rather angry lately.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• I bought some of that Pom Wonderful juice.  Lord Jesus I just about died after my first sip.  It was sooooooo sweet.  Then I saw there were like 32 grams of sugar in the little 8 ounce bottle I got.  I seriously can't stand super sweet juices anymore for some reason.  I'm currently a little light headed from it.  I pray I don't go in diabetic shock.
• I saw a man selling Girl Scout cookies at this church the down the street from me and proceeded to freak out in my, "Oh my GAWDDDDD Girl Scout cookies!!!!"  I forgot my windows were down until the man started smiling and laughing.
• My coworker/friend and I are trying to figure out the best way to talk to guys.  We're both too socially awkward to just walk up to someone and say, "Hey what's your name" or whatever the hell you say to guys you're trying to hit on without looking desperate.
• I recently sent in some information so I could volunteer with a local Girl Scout troop.  I figure it would be nice to do some work with young girls in the community and I'm sure one of them has a young, single daddy.
• Being healthy is too freaking expensive.  I want to make fruit smoothies but a bag of frozen fruit is like $10 I swear.
• Brandy said she feels like she's Sasha Fierce.  Hoe calm yo' a$$ down.
• I see Ciara is giving concerts out in local bathrooms.  Get yo' shine gurl!  At least her new song Body Party sounds somewhat decent for the first minute and a half.
• Bow Wow is so corny and has this huge ego for nothing.  Why did I ever like him?
• I seriously want to know what Lala Anthony's real hair looks like.  It has to be nice.  I just feel it.
• On of my coworkers told me her first impression of me was that I was a lesbian.  Well I'll be damned.
• Got my dress from Forever 21 that I talked about last week.  It fits perfectly.  I still can't gain any belly.
• I'd seriously love to work for a radio station or entertainment show just telling what's going on in celebrities' lives.  Like I'd be damn good at it I think.
• I'm watching old episodes of Duck Dynasty, and Phil and Kay are some freaks.
• So I went to Waffle House and while I was there one of the Black waitresses said to a white waitress, "If you really want to get me back you gotta find me when I have a fresh perm."  Chileeeeeeeeee she's tryna set that white girl up!  Like I just know it!  That girl would be signing her own death certificate if she tried to get whatever type of revenge on that girl after a touch up.
• I'm more convinced that Nicki Minaj's boobs are fake after watching the "Freaks" music video.
• I guess UPS and Fed Ex have just stopped delivering to your house.  Because the past two orders I've had from them will arrive in Augusta and be sent straight to the post office once they touch down in Augusta.
• My Mom just decided it would be appropriate to start reading about the benefits of orgasms in front of me from the new Essence magazine.  I put my plate in the sink and ran up stairs.  How dare she!

It's the First of the Month: Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• It's March 1.  Let us cue Bone Thugs-N-Harmony for a minute.
• Ya'll can I just say I can't stand sap a$$ negroes?  Like seriously.  I don't need to be reading all about your heartbreak via Facebook or Twitter.  Like I know I wrote a little sap blog about my break-up, but seriously some of ya'll need to calm the eff down.
• Adele won an Oscar.  You go girl!  Might I add she looked damn good while doing it?
• Can I just tell ya'll how much I LOVE Jennifer Lawrence?  Like she just seems so down to Earth.  Then the fact that she tripped while accepting her Academy Award makes her even more lovable.
• I bought a fitness ball from Walmart.  Please tell me why the only thing in there was the air pump.  No ball.  No exercise chart that was supposed to be included.  The struggle is real.   
• Watched another episode of Black Ink Crew.  I wanted to vomit over Dutchess's obsession with Ceasar (yes that's how his name is spelled).  I also wish she would stop calling herself a "Southern Belle."  Nothing about her reminds me of a Southern Belle.
• I'm convinced that the man I'm going to marry will be the man that I'm willing to fry chicken or fish for.  I say that because my behind does not fool around with no hot, boiling oil.  That's how I'll know when I'm in love.
• You haven't experienced pain until you do ball passes with a fitness ball I've discovered.  Get it right, get it tight is the motto though.  
• I did not like the pink prom dress that Anne Hathaway wore to The Oscars.  Looks like she got it from Ross in the dress section for $24.99.
• I really want a Brooklyn Nets t-shirt, but I refuse to pay  $8 shipping for one.
• Excuse me but who is Kim Kardashian to judge her sister for having children out of wedlock?  1.)  You have a sex tape.  2.)  You are married and pregnant by a man who is not your husband.  Do you truly have any room to judge?
• Somebody told me that I take really good care of myself today.  That made me feel good about myself.
• I mention this a lot, but I want to be a Bond Girl.  Like seriously.  Really bad.
• This Black Milk Company has come across my Facebook page twice in one day.  They're stuff is kind of cute.
• I just bought this cute dress from Forever 21.  It's a small.  I hope it fits when it gets here seeing how I just ate two slices of pizza and three slices of cheesy bread.
• When will these big companies learn that black face of any form is not acceptable?
• The itch to cut my hair really short has hit again.  Like big chop short.
• I just thought about how lucky Channing Tatum's wife is to be married to him.  Like I just imagine sex with him to be magical.  Where's my Magic Mike DVD?!