This Goes Out To All My Baby Mamas: Nia Long & Black Community Outrage

Sorry for my "hiatus" of some sorts.  The router that allows me the freedom to be on my laptop in my room has stopped working on me and the modem for the internet won't let my laptop just hook an ethernet cord to it so I've been on my Mom's slow/out of date computer.  This computer won't let me do anything I swear.  I generally attempt to write two blogs at least a week because of working and such, but my patience is short.  Hopefully I'll figure things out or I'll be making a trip to the local library with my laptop to write.

Earlier this week I was reading a blog that discussed the recent Essence magazine cover for the month of August that featured actress Nia Long and her two beautiful sons.  The title of the blog was pretty much asking the question of whether or not Essence was "glorifying" single motherhood by having Nia on the cover with her boys (one cover includes both of her children and the other includes the baby).  I kind of brushed it all off until our magazine came in the mail today.  My first thought on seeing it was, "They are all so beautiful."  My last concern was the fact that Ms. Long is 41 and yet to be married with two children under her belt.  Then as I drove to my boyfriend's house a local radio deejay was discussing, or mentioning, the cover and people's feelings on it.  I rolled my eyes because to my knowledge she is a single mother and I kind of got the feeling that she wanted to agree with others on the issue except it would be like the pot calling the kettle black.  After much thought I came home and wrote a Facebook status on the entire thing.

1.) I believe the Black community has the highest rate of children being raised in a single parent household with the mother. So if anything Essence is just reflecting the trend in the Black community. 

I am not about to sit here and tell you all this sob story of how my mother raised me by herself with no help from my Dad because that is nowhere near true.  For the past 22 years of my life I have had the pleasure (somewhat) of living with both my parents.  Despite my Dad being a truck driver he has always been involved in my life even though I did not see him everyday.  I have one aunt and one uncle (recently remarried) who were divorced while I grew up, but they were involved in their kids' lives.  I honestly thought everyone was raised by both of their parents until I came to high school.  Yes, I was that sheltered from the world.  I soon discovered that some of my friends had little to no contact with their fathers and my heart hurt honestly.  

Here's the thing, the Black community has the highest rate of children being raised in households were the father is absent or either the mother and father have not been married.  Because of that every Father's Day we often see people putting a status up about their mother being both mama and daddy.  My favorite status was always from one of my friends who recently rekindled her relationship with her father that said, "I ain't have no daddy around when I was growing up."  I'm not saying that being a single mother is a bad thing that Essence was wrong for "glorifying" with this cover, but it honestly reflects the trend that is going on in our community at the current moment.  Therefore it's not "glorifying" it just showing the truth.  It's time that we realize the dream of everyone having a family like the Huxtables that performs musical numbers for special occasions is not reality.  Even if someone comes from a family that isn't "traditional" it doesn't mean the father is not involved in the child's life.  One of my friend's was raised by her mother, but is very close with her father.  This leads me to my next point.

Hoes Gone Be Hoes So I Couldn't Blame Tami

Like many people I saw the madness that was Basketball Wives a.k.a. Mean Girls:  Over 30 Years Old Edition.  I'm guessing that the episode from last week that I missed touched on what happened between Tami and Kesha because all I know is the episode opened up with Tami "going awf" in her usual overage hood rat manner.  I will admit that I was a huge fan of Tami's struggle and realness when she first joined the cast of Basketball Wives, but after this season I have lost all respect for her.  She reminds me every bit of this girl who use to pick on me in middle school and I don't like it.  Therefore I unfollowed her on Twitter last night because I can't support any 40+ year old with two children that continues to act like a high school bully.

It seems all of this started because of Suzie and her constant diarrhea of the mouth as she ran back to tell Tami what Keisha said.  I don't know when these new girls will learn, but Suzie is the wrong person to tell anything to and she should feel ashamed of herself.  Tami felt that Kesha OWED her an apology for whatever she said and decided that she would not give Kesha HER bag that contains all of HER BELONGINGS.  Kesha decided to report her bag stolen.  I believe anybody would do this seeing how it is THEIR property and they should not have to be begging for it.  Naturally Suzie's ass goes and tells Tami what is going down and Tami finds it humorous because she feels just needs to apologize.  Throughout the whole ordeal all of these grown b*tches just keeping saying how scared Kesha is of Tami.  1.)  Grown women should not be feeding into this bullsh*t that Tami tries to start.  2.)  The whole reason Shaunie's ass isn't afraid of Tami is because she knows that she has control over who remains on the show so NOBODY that needs a check is going to step to her ass.  Seeing how none of these hoes have a baller any more that's not happening.

My Attempt: Whipped Shea Butter

So if I haven't mentioned it on here I have ridiculously dry hair.  People always talk about how shea butter is a great sealant and putting it on the ends of their hair to keep things nice and sealed in...I guess.  So until I start work (If I still have a summer job) I decided to try a little Do It Yourself (DIY) type thing and Googled "whipped shea butter."  Why?  Well shea butter in its raw state is just hard to get out and I wanted something easier.  So after looking at videos I got up this morning and headed to the hair store.  I bought a 16oz container of unrefined African Shea Butter for $7.99.

I started off by boiling a small pot of water to melt the shea butter.

This is the amount of shea butter I used.  I only used a small amount because I didn't want this to be a disaster and I end up wasting a ton of good product.

I Am Not My Hair...The Biggest Bullsh*t I Have Heard

Six years ago India.Arie released a song that took over the mindsets of so many women even to this day.  That song was "I Am Not My Hair."  I will admit that when that song came out I was one of the main people running around singing it with my chemically damaged hair, but when I look back on it that song is the biggest bullsh*t I have ever heard.  What Black woman can honestly say they are not "their hair?"  No, not Black woman but woman in general?  I'm pretty sure there is some girl out there saying, "I got natural hair so I know that I am not my hair!"  Please stop honey.  As I sit here scratching my scalp that needs to be badly moisturized and retwisted I know that this is all a lie.

From the time we are young girls hair is a HUGE deal to young girls in the Black community.  You either have "good hair" or if you don't you spend your whole life trying to achieve some form of it.  This can include getting relaxers, texturizers, sew-ins, etc.  When it comes to hair we will spend every waking moment trying to make it the best it can be.  When Chris Rock's "Good Hair" came out and revealed all the horrible things that come along with the creamy crack a group of Black women vowed never to deal with the long hours of sitting in the beauty shop only to suffer chemical burns so their new growth would go unnoticed.  When some of these women realized the difficulty that came along with the two textures a group of them said, "Let's cut this sh*t awf!"  The rest is history.