Monday, August 13, 2012

The End of the Road: The Start of My Last Semester


So I'm sitting here writing this little blog entry the day before my first day for my last semester here at the University of Georgia.  Oddly enough I feel like it's my first day for my freshman year all over again for some reason.  The closer it came to moving back to Athens the more emotional I found myself about leaving my home in Augusta.  This is what I prefer to call my four and half year here at UGA because the plan isn't to stay a whole year as I'm on course to graduate in December *fingers crossed.*  While I'm sure some people are wondering why I'm so nervous when I've been here that long I feel like I have plenty of reasons to be.  You see when I graduated from high school I knew that I would be attending UGA so my only worries were would I like my roommate (I did although it took sometime as we were both quiet), would I make tons of lifelong friends (I didn't as I was too shy and found myself either going to class, eating alone, or being in my room), partying my life away (I didn't), and whether my high school boyfriend and I would make it (We didn't). Three major changes, heartbreak, new love,  the transition of having chemical free hair, and many other changes I have found myself at this point:  The end.

This being my last SEMESTER the future looks extremely uncertain to me.  I have no clue if I'll find a job and with the changes I have heard about to the grace period for student loans it scares me.  I keep telling myself that I don't want to return back to Augusta to work at the movies, not because I view it as being beneath me, but due to the fact that I always envisioned that I would start my career off right after college.  I mean that's the dream that our high school guidance counselors pretty much preach to us when it comes time to take the SATs and apply to college.  Sadly that doesn't happen for many of us.  I've been thinking about attending grad school as my ultimate education goal is to attain my doctorate, even if I'm 100 years old, but I'm starting to question what do I want to do.  Mainly I know I want to help others, particularly children/young adults.  I've thought about obtaining my Master's of Art in Teaching, but I want to do a test run first which has led me to apply for Teach for America and City Year.  A major issue of mine since coming to college has been a fear of rejection.  I attend a huge university and there are many opportunities to obtain leadership, but I've always felt as if I was at the bottom of the barrel because my grades are mediocre and I just felt like I'd never get whatever it was that I wanted to do.  Now that it's almost time to pack up and go I've realized that I've handicapped myself sort of.  I pretty much made things to were I wouldn't have to deal with rejection and that's probably something I needed.  What I'm getting at is I'm afraid to even apply to these programs out of fear getting told that I'm not wanted.  Oddly enough my Mom recently said my constant fears and not wanting to conquer them would lead me to this point.

 Maybe its just cliche, but I really do feel like my life has a bigger purpose than what I'm told (A 9-5 with a 401k plan and a nice corner office overlooking the city as I donate thousands of dollars to my old university.)  The only issue is I just don't know what it is right now and I feel like I should.  Matters only get worse when I'm the first person in my household to graduate college and both of my parents are preaching to me about how they want me to be successful in life.  So just like every other kid, no matter how old, you want to make your parents proud.  Regardless here's to a great final semester filled with many memories, sweat, and tears both good and bad.


1 comment:

  1. Enjoy your last semester..it goes by so fast.I had no idea what I wanted to do after I graduated and finally one day it just hit me and surprisingly even though I've spent my entire life dreaming of a corner office I've come to realize that I'd never be happy with a life like that. You're still young so try out different things until you find out what truly makes you happy. You have an amazing spirit, you'll be just fine!

    www.ashleyudoh.blogspot.com

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