Goals For 2014

As 2013 comes to an end the beginning of a new year for even more success and happiness comes with 2014.  Because I don't believe in making "resolutions" too much but I do like making "goals" for the New Year.  So here are my goals for 2014.

• Get into a Master's program for either speech pathology or educational leadership.
• Take the GRE (I need this for goal 1 to happen).
• Take the time out to do something nice for myself at least once a month.
• Take more pictures.
• Write more in my journal and on my blog!  Ever since I started teaching I've neglected doing this.
• Go to church more (I was doing well until the summer hit and my schedule got packed.)
• Save more money.
• Spend more time with my friends and family.
• Go on a nice trip.
• Exercise more.
• Participate in another 5k and actually run this time.
• Don't let the little things get to me.
• Actually cook more...the goal for every year!!!
• Leave work at work.
• Try to attend at least one concert and play.
• Read more!!!

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!!!!

Dough Ingredients 
1 3/4 Cups All-Purpose Flour
1 Envelope Pizza Yeast
1 1/2 Teaspoons Sugar
3/4 Teaspoon Salt
2/3 Cup Very Warm Tap Water
3 Tablesppons Oil

Pizza Toppings
Butter
Pizza Seasoning
Pizza Sauce
Mozzarella Cheese
Pepperoni

The Ingredients 

Step 1:  Preheat oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit

Step 2:  Combine one (1) cup flour, package of yeast, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.  Followed by water and oil.  

Step 3:  When it comes time to mix it all together you're going to need to set 1/2 cup of flour aside.  You're going to use this as you blend everything together.  So as you blend slowly pour in that 1/2 cup of flour.  Be careful with this because pizza dough becomes sticky and has a tendency to get stuck on the stirrers and slowly work its way up.  I've learned the best thing to do is to barely let the stirrers touch the bottom of the mixing bowl.

After you have mixed your ingredients you should have something like what you see in the middle.  I guess you can say it's a "ball."

Step 4:  Put a nice handful of flour on a clean counter top and place dough ball out.

Step 5:  You're going to knead the dough out so when it's time to place it on a pizza pan you're not having to stretch it out too much.

Step 6:  With floured hands you're going to spread the dough out on a greased pan.

Spreading the dough out.  Sometimes the dough will start to "snap back"  from the edges so you may have to spread it over the edge of the pan.

Step 7:  I like to some butter and pizza seasoning mix to spread on my dough.  Then evenly distribute a jar of pizza sauce*, package of mozzarella cheese, and pepperonis on my dough .

* I added some Sriracha Sauce to my pizza sauce for a little kick.  Try it out if you like spicy food.

Add water ingredients you like but I keep it simple.

Step 8:  Place your pizza on the bottom rack and let it cook for about 13 minutes until the cheese is bubbly and the crust is brown.

Finished Product

Until next time!!!!

Friday Ramblings: Hope You Missed Me When I Was Gone

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Teaching is like two full time jobs!  I have never been more drained than I have in the past two months!  These kids are like dementors when it comes to the energy they suck out from you.  Now I understand why so many of my lady teachers were unmarried with no kids.
• My "boo thang" just asked me if I miss receiving flowers from him.  That would be a hell yes!  I didn't realize it until now but sometimes those little gifts helped energize me into the next week.  Seems like the kids are just getting worse as time goes by.
• For some reason these kids are shocked when I know modern music.  I finished the lyrics to that "23" song and it was such a shocker to so many.  I even mentioned Chief Keef (I guess that's how you spell it) and it was amazing.
• My cohort member/coworker/boo had her baby.  She's so freakin' adorable and when I see her she barely cries.  She just eats, cries for a second, then falls out.  My type of child.
• God Bless my parents for raising me.  Even though they get on my nerves, working in the school system has made my appreciation greater for them.
• I'm seriously struggling to write this.  My life revolves around school now!
• I hate when I go out and people just constantly ask me if I want something to "drink" and I tell them I'm fine with my little bottle of water.  Let a girl breathe!
• This dude at what I guess was a "party" told me that he wouldn't bite...unless I wanted him to.  Negro...who do I look like to you?!
• Some people are just plain idiots.  Point.  Blank.  Period.
• I've yet to see the perks of me joining the PTA.  I've also yet to be invited to any PTA meetings.
• God grant me the serenity not to call anyone's child out of their name.  I will not succumb to the Devil's games.
• I seriously need to become a vegetarian.  This meat is not working with my body anymore.
• American Horror Story:  Coven is like the greatest show ever.  Funny how I never wanted to watch this show because scary stuff freaks me out but just hearing that Angela was in...
• One of my students said he bets I curse up a storm once I get in my car.  I just stared at him like get out of my face.  He knows the real deal though.
• Wendy's chili is the devil but I say this all the time and still eat it when it gets cold out.
• Another Halloween has gone by and I didn't dress up. *sigh*
• I need to go to church.  I will make that my mission for this upcoming Sunday.
• I miss going cycling.  It was my peace of mind for a long time when I came back to Augusta following a lot of stuff.  I'd love to get a personal trainer but money is tight.  Time to get back in that gym.
• I miss my dance classes.
• I miss my friends...even when they aggravate me with those, "You don't text me anymore" messages.
• Why does Jason Derulo still have a career?!?!?!?!  Like seriously!
• I'd love to dye my hair blonde...but I also want to have hair on my head.  Priorities...
• Yeezy had the nerve to say that Kim K is more influential than the first lady and could never post a picture like she did in that one swimsuit.  This dude has lost it.  She's the First Lady...of course she wouldn't post a picture like that.
• Ooooohhhhh kill 'em!!!

Announcement, Announcement!!! Ms. Jones Has An Announcement!

So this summer I started my teaching program and had the pleasure of working with a group of about 12 kids from surrounding elementary schools for a four week summer learning experience.  The theme for the summer was the water cycle and I must say that even I learned a lot.

When I first found out I'd be working with a group of elementary school children I was a little skeptical.  For the longest I always felt like I didn't want to be a semi-babysitter/nose wiper for crying children.  My dream was to work at the high school level teaching History because I felt like middle school was too odd of a period for students and elementary school was that baby stage.  A police officer at my job said I needed to be an elementary school teacher because that's how you can catch students early on and help put them on the path to success.  I just remember telling him, "No, I don't have that maternal thing going that you need to be an elementary school teacher.  I don't know how to deal with crying kids."  I was so wrong.

The students in my class were sooooooo eager to learn.  Everyone may not have had grade A behavior but even those kids who had a few gremlin outbreaks would sit down and do their work; even if it required a little persuasion (Can you say ten minutes off P.E. time?!)  The students who caused "problems," which was about three in my class, ultimately wanted to please their teacher regardless of what had happened.  You can get onto a student and ten minutes later, "Ms. Jones!  Ms. Jones!  Come look at what I did!  Did I do this right?  Do you like mine?"  It really takes me back to my own elementary school days.  I never came into work praying and hoping that student X, Y, or Z didn't come today but there was always that concern of how are they going to be today.  "Is s/he going to do their work today?  Am I going to have to send them to the principal again?  I really don't feel like calling this kid's parent today."

One major thing that I did learn is kids have a major issue thinking for themselves even when it comes to things that are just about them.  During our Morning Meeting I always tried to have activities were students had to share a fun fact about themselves, a favorite book or movie, what they thought a quote meant, etc.  I did have one student in particular who was always saying, "I don't know" in regards to these questions when his turn came.  The most amusing thing is always when one student says something and then three or four other kids say the same exact thing.  It's so painful because you want them to think for themselves and my ultimate fear is that when they get to middle/high school they'll be easily influenced into doing things that are not in their best interest.

My favorite thing though had to be the feeling I experienced on the last day.  My paraprofessional had informed me that the kids had asked about me the day since I had to attend classes all day Wednesday and Thursday.  As soon as I walked into class I was bum rushed by my kids for hugs.  "I've missed you Ms. Jones!  Where have you been?!"  My favorite was another student informing me that someone had yet to get up and give me a hug.  Why?  I just thought it was cute.  They wanted to know if they'd see me again and what school I was going to be at next year, both for which I had no answer to...yet.  There was the girl from another class who was constantly telling me how I pretty I was and the student who promised to teach the pledge in Spanish.  It just seemed so easy to develop relationships with these kids.  You didn't even have to teach them.  Just play with them at P.E. or ask them to teach you something and you were like their best friend.

I didn't cry or any sappy thing like that but I am a little sad that I have no clue if I'll ever see them again because I'd really like to know how their 3rd/4th/5th grade school years are going.  I learned so much about this group of kids and they've learned a lot about me along the way as well.  They've also provided countless funny stories for me to share with classmates and such.  I know that the class I have in the Fall isn't going to be exactly like this one in regards to size, learning levels, at home life, and parent support but I'm excited to see what the future holds.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, you know the deal...

• Ugh I love when men smell good.  Like they're just standing by you and you can smell their cologne.  I have to control myself.
• I was told that I have a beautiful smile and that I should smile more.  Let me take this into consideration.
• Jim Jones's way of proposing will forever be a classic.  Just hold a ring out in front of a woman and have her crying without even dropping down on one knee.  Harlem n*gga sh*t.
• My coworker said she was twerking on this guy, turned around, and asked him 'Do you wanna dance front-wards" which ended with the guy walking off.  I seriously laughed my butt off.  It's so funnnnnnnny because I can see her doing this.
• I've yet to find anyone to do these Body Party moves on.  Like seriously, I'm ready to use this dance routine.
• I've seen a lot of natural hair photos of girls with nose rings.  The itch is coming back ya'll!
• Had a French customer.  I saw his passport and all.  We also shared moments of smiling and giggling at each other while I rang him up.  He wants me.
• Love & Hip Hop recap:
• Stevie J really thinks he can compare himself to be close to the level of Prince, Michael Jackson, and Quincy Jones.  Chileeeeeee get off your high horse.
• I also don't understand how Stevie J can disagree with Mimi regarding whose around their child.  
• Why in the hell does Shay a.k.a. Buckey talk like she's about to fight someone at any minute?
• Traci really has a problem if she's broken windows and beaten girls up regarding Drew.  Like she was/is crazy.
• I feel like Kirk would put Rasheeda out on the corner if it wouldn't cost him anything and he got a check.  Which is a bad thing to say about someone's husband.
• So Kirk still thinks that the pull out method is an effective method of birth control?  How old is he?!  I see why he has grandkids already.
• Shay knows she better stay in the "kingdom" or else she won't be getting a check from VH1.
• Drew is a perv and this whole interview thing only confirms Traci is crazy.
• This girl is gonna regret all these tattoos later in life.
• Scrappy's dad is a pretty good looking man and he looks younger than Momma Dee.
• Joseline really thinks she's hot sh*t.  Like, outside of this show I have yet to hear any music besides Bailar.  Which had no music video.
• Drama just follows K. Michelle.
• Can someone who doesn't have a career really ruin someone else's career though Nikko?  
• When Mimi gets mad I get a vibe that she had a sex change.  IDK why she just seems real masculine.
• This Hit The Floor Show doesn't really have the greatest dancers in regards to these two Black leads. Like Kimberly Elise's daughter doesn't do anything but freaking pirouettes it seems, yet they're making her seem like she's a threat to the current team captain who doesn't do anything but give good Ohhhh-I-Want-You-To-Take-My-Panties-Off Face.  Also Clark Kent a.k.a. Superman from the 90's is on this show.
• My Mom and I had a conversation about men this week.  She pretty much just told me never to accept gifts from guys who just claim to want to be friends.  Because overtime with each gift they're just gonna be tryna get to your "goods."  I think this is the first time we've had a conversation like this. You ain't never told no lie.
• Ummm I'm watching this show "I'm Married To..." and this woman is an adult film star, but what I want to say is that she put her vibrator in the dishwasher and her boyfriend just made it seem like a normal thing.  Like ewwww...I hope there were no dishes in there.
• Not sure how I feel about this movie The Purge.  I don't want it inspiring these crazy mofos out here to kill folks.
• Well I'm working with the "babies" this summer.  I'm excited.  My paraprofessional is quite the character I can tell already.  She's been in the game for 27 years.
• Bucca di Peppo better stop playing games adn credit this money back to my account.  Talking about it would only take a hour.  Liars!  Wednesday's meal is about to be free and they're about to give me a gift card if this isn't worked out soon.
• LisaRaye will be in a new movie called Lap Dance...and a reality show about preacher's wives seeing how her boyfriend ins a pastor.  Does anyone else find this funny?  And isn't she like 50?  It's too late to be repeating movies that started your "career" at that age.
• This Girl Code show is hilarious.
• Google a man named LeRoy Bell.  Check out his age.  Be amazed.
• Here's to hoping Amanda Bynes gets her life together soon.
• I finally had the chance to bust that $10 resume paper out that I got in February.  Yeahhhhhh not fully sure why this stuff cost that much, but oh well.  Oh and my footer didn't fit which means I wasted expensive paper and expensive ink.  Ain't that a witch.
• Girls out here getting herpes after trying Rihanna's Riri Woo.  The jokes write themselves I swear.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• I wonder how having a baby has affected Blac Chyna's ability to make her booty clap.
• My boss gave me a $10 coupon to Chili's for being a good employee.  He said he didn't want me to feel like I was unappreciated.  Then someone said they knew I would be successful because I was a hard worker.  It's the little things. 
• Once a week every woman should walk/sexy walk/dance around her room/apartment/house naked to this Mariah Carey and Miguel song "Beautiful."  I'm serious.
• I think I'm realizing that I don't like "amplified" lipstick from MAC.  Too bad I'm just discovering this out after spending $30 over some time with them.
• Love & Hip Hop recap:
• This dude Drew is stupid.  This is one of the types of men my Dad has warned me of.
• Scrappy is right about if you're going through someone's phone you're going through it with some type of intention, but I guess it's hard not to with the history Erica has said of his.
• Pouring salt around your bed to keep sex demons away.  Once again, this proves that K. Michelle has some issues.
• WTF Kirk has grandkids?!  Dude how old is this man?!
• Sooooo we have anniversaries with our side chicks now?
• Do fat girls love chocolate cake?  THIS is how you know a man loves you.  I mean how can this not be the best comparison to how much you love someone?
• This woman has entirely too many tattoos, but her butt is amazing.  She actually looks like Keyshia Cole.
• Chileeeeee Rasheeda all types of knocked up.  
• If The Great Gatsby doesn't win an Oscar for anything else, it deserves a best costume award.  Like seriously the suits and the dresses were beautiful.
• I was talking to this really cute soldier and my friend just ruined it by walking out.  Bad wing woman.  Bad.
• Oh yeah, it seems like the best way to flirt is simply looking three times, some how making your way across the room, and smiling while making eye contact again.  I read this in Glamour and asked the boy at Hollister if it worked.  His response, "I like eye contact."  What normal person doesn't sweetheart.  
• I think I'll submit my recent beach photos for the JET Beauty of the Week.  I'm just saying.
• For my new program they encouraged us to clean up our social media websites.  I don't have a Twitter (anymore) but I obviously have a Facebook.  This isn't my fear.  My fear is that they'll find my Tumblr.  I'm afraid for anyone to find my Tumblr.  Wait, does that count as social media?
• So Paris Hilton is tryna make a comeback.  She recently got signed to Cash Money for like, a record contract.  That's not hot Birdman.
• I just don't understand why the writing on The Game is sooooooo bad.  Like it takes BET a whole year to premiere a new season of a show that last for like two or three months, but the writing still seems so basic.  In addition to that who in the hell thought when you lose your virginity you bleed?  When Blue said that I was like, "What the hell?!"  It's not a universal thing for women.  
• Beyonce's single dropped...somewhat.  It's basic as hell but will do for now.
• Kanye West is just doing stuff now to make people think he's a devil worshiper now I feel.  I bet he's one of the main people giving that actual 10% for tithes but has some of ya'll thinking otherwise.
• Having to buy a whole new wardrobe is fun, but not cheap.  #CareerWomanProblems #ThisIsntTwitterButImHashtaggingItAnyways
• Morgan Freeman out here falling asleep during live interviews and coming back with responses of, "I wasn't actually sleeping, I'm a beta tester for Google Eyelids, I was merely updating my Facebook page."  Nice one Mr. Freeman.  Nice one.
  
• Miguel out here leg dropping women.  He should be in the WWE.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• PSA!!!  Watch what you say because you never know who's around you.  I encountered a very ignorant blonde girl Friday after UGA graduation at a bar who said she left one bar because it "looked like Africa."  She turned around and saw me and my other friend who happened to be Black waiting to get into the same bar she was trying to get in.  Easy to say she walked in pretty damn fast.  I guess the bars in Athens need to post their Black limit up outside so that poor girl doesn't have to encounter that problem again.
• I'm ready to get out of this damn house.
• Why in the hell has it taken my book a damn week to get from Washington D.C. to Atlanta?!  
• Love & Hip Hop Recap:
• Why am I watching a scene of what seems like Joseline and Stevie J getting it on?  That ain't cool.
• I guess Rasheeda knew Kirk was going to the strip club.  If not that must have been an awkward moment in the house yesterday.
• Why must K. Michelle be so immature and ghetto?  This is why she'll truly never succeed in the industry.  She's just so damn extra.
• Why is it a big deal if Benzino showed Karlie Redd a tape of Joseline playing with herself?  If I'm correct that video was on World Star Hip Hop so it really wasn't private.
• K. Michelle going to the OB/GYN trying to see why her vagina is "broke."  Also why are they having these damn conversations about finding a man after he just checked all up in her vagina?!
• Traci is crazy.  Why is she cursing this girl out as if she caught her sleeping with her man?  Also how can she say she didn't choose the baby mama lifestyle when she laid down with this man unprotected and unmarried?  Ma'am you kind of did pick the lifestyle.
• Who is this tatted up woman with the mouth full of braces that's gonna be featured on next week's episode?
• Oprah has allowed Tyler Perry to produce not one but TWO shows on her network.  Why Oprah?  Why?!
• Registered for The Color Run finally!  Time to actually train now.
• Soooooo did Steve Urkel have no family?  Because I'm watching this Christmas episode of Family Matters and he's all alone.
• I nearly experienced what I thought was death this week as I threw up five times and other stuff.  I was just waiting to see the light.  Of course it was only a stomach virus, but that's not the point.
• I try not to talk about Kim Kardashian too much because she's pregnant, but Lord Jesus her feet look like pig feet in this picture.  Give it up ma'am.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• I finally saw clothes from the Kardashian collection at Sears.  Some of the clothes are really cute, but they're some damn fools if they think I'm about to pay $30+ for a black dress that you can see through.
• I had a customer offer to marry me if he were younger.  I told him I wouldn't be ready.  That was the end of our love affair.
• Finally got around to reading This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz.  I was translating at least one word every page and brushing up on some Spanish at the same time.  It was a pretty good book though.  Very easy read.
• Love & Hip Hop Review
• I'm convinced that K. Michelle really can't fight.  Because everytime she gets in a argument she throws something instead of swinging.
• I wish Mama Dee would stop making these "kingdom" references.  Your son has never been close to being the prince of anything outside of your house.
• Why are Scrappy's sunglasses so big?  Didn't that look go out a good five years ago?
• Joseline's body is crazy...fake boobs and all.  She's stepped her weave game up too.
• Chile Mama Dee needs to be Scrappy's security guard.
• It just took Erica pushing Scrappy and cursing his mom out (although Mama Dee has been extremely disrespectful to her) for him to ask for his ring back.  Also they obviously don't need to be together if they're calling each other "b*tch."
• Also if Scrappy has all this money he should get his mom a nicer weave.  Got her over there looking like a busted poodle.
• I freaking love this Kay's Jeweler commercial were the boy takes his girlfriend to look at rings and promises to her in the store.
• While shopping in 2nd & Charles (a used bookstore) I came across books titled The 48 Laws of the Game:  Pimpology and How To Get and Keep A Black Man In A Relationship.  Before you reread that sentence again I just want you to know that you read the titles right.  This only proves my point that I too can write a book.  Be on the lookout for my first book entitled Why White Women Are Constantly Winning in 2015.
• For those of you who question if I'm a writer after that last rambling my only response to you is:  B*tch I might be!
• Learned how to bake chicken.  Don't judge me.  One step closer to being a housewife once again.
• I'm convinced that Biggie Smalls' "Juicy" is one of the most sampled songs in R&B and Hip Hop, and the thing is the song was sampled off of another song.
• No matter how truthful Charles Ramsey was, in regards to race in his interview about rescuing a group of kidnapped girls, I can't help but find some of the stuff he said to be funny.
• Just watched Boyz N The Hood.  Never forget that Cuba Gooding Jr. got some from Nia Long after all that crying.  Never.  Forget.
• I really wish somebody other than Mahogany made cards aimed towards Black people.  Like it's ridiculous that only one company makes cards aimed towards the Black community.  I want my Mom to have a card with a woman who has a skin tone like hers too damn it!  The same goes for mom's of other ethnic groups too.
• I seriously wish there was an H&M closer to me.  Even though they always advertise this cute, cheap stuff that I can never find.
• Kanye West is officially taking things too far with this I Am God track.  You can't go from Jesus Walks to THIS.  I'm gonna wait for the song to come out before I cast too much judgment though.
• I'm still on the search for my Fitz.
• James and Cyrus's marriage isn't gonna last long.
• Boyz II Men are in Old Navy commercials now.  Say it ain't so!

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, you know the deal...

• Not sure but I think I got employee of the month at my job sometime this year.  I just noticed I had a "cast member bonus" listed on my Year-To-Date stuff on my check.  Oh welllll...
• Last Friday I was in Aerie shopping for bras and this older lady was looking for bras as well.  I think she wanted something with some padding because the sales associate was helping her and next thing I know she says, "Yeah I need something to add some perk because my kids have sucked my dry."  I tried so hard not to laugh but couldn't stop myself.  Following that I went into the dressing room and had moment of silence for my boobs and their current "perkiness."  
• Attempt number two of my aunt trying to set me up with the pastor failed miserably again.  She thought he had a girlfriend and at the end of the event we were at she walked up to me apologizing for interrupting my conversation with him.  Then wanted to REINTRODUCE us saying he said she had "messed him up."
• I rode a horse.  I wish I had the chance to take it out on a trail like a did back in high school, but just riding in a circle will have to suffice for the time being.
• It seems I got Employee of the Month at my job.  My reaction upon discovering this:  It's about damn time.
• I had zero clue that McDonald Happy Meals were banned in San Francisco.  
• I didn't realize how expensive horse back riding was until now.  Geez!
• These Durex commercials are something serious boy!  I'm not even sure if I've ever seen a Durex commercial but that's not important.
• The Place Beyond the Pines was an AWESOME movie!  Both of my white men were in it looking sexy...minus the tattoos that Ryan Gosling had.
• Group of minor league baseball players came to my job and they were all fine.  #PantiesOff
• Just found out there's something called a...butt plug.  Ya'll I'm too innocent for this.
• J. Cole's tweet to Tia Mowry after she tried to inquire about a song in which J. Cole mentioned her and Tamera was hilarious.
• Watched Pain & Gain.  OMG freaking AWESOME movie!  Like these dudes were straight out idiots and deserved to get caught.  I read that the real life surviving victim and family members of deceased victims didn't appreciate how the Sun Gym gang guys were portrayed as  goofballs, but if there's one thing I learned in screenwriting class it's that you have to make a way for your audience to like your main characters, even if they're bad guys.
• I guess nobody wanted to remind me that Rihanna's lipstick went on sale Thursday.  Now I have to wait until damn June.
• I seriously don't know how I feel about this Beyonce and Andre 3000 version of Back to Black.  It  has more of a rock vibe I will say, but nothing tops Amy Winehouse.  
• I have this AWESOME idea for a new part of my blog.  I really don't write much on here (unfortunately) besides my Friday Ramblings, but this new idea is really good.  I just have to put it in action.
• I need to bust out these Under Armour booty shorts, but the men at the gym ain't ready for it.
• Olivia Pope has not one, but TWO sexy white men fighting for her love and affection (insert Future voice).  Is there a book out on how to achieve this in my life?
• Speaking of Scandal, I see Republicans like oral sex just as much as the Democrats.  That's in reference to Cyrus and his husband.
• My Mom had the nerve to say my brother doesn't have to get her a Mother's Day gift, but I do.  Ummmm I'm the one who just graduated from college.  He's a GROWN man.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal

• Some people need to just grow up and get over themselves.  Point.  Blank.  Period.  
• 42 was a pretty decent movie I must say.  The guy who played Jackie Robinson did a pretty good job and he was somewhat nice to look at.
• You ever go to church with something on your mind and the sermon for the day is relating exactly to that problem?  I had that this past Sunday.
• This weekend I pretty much walked around feeling like a damn T-Rex.  Why?  From lifting weights.  It's like I can't extend my arms all the day out without it hurting.
• I seriously wish I had the courage to just shave/cut my hair.  Everytime I see a Black woman with low cut natural hair I'm just in amazement.  They always look so pretty and full of confidence to me.
• My aunt made some green pomegranate tea with sugar.  It was soooooo good. 
• My Love & Hip Hop recap: 
• Scrappy talking about he can't wear the same thing twice.  Negro you are not Jay-Z or Kanye West.  In addition to that I could have sworn he didn't have any money and I'm sure I'm right.  
• Was Mama Dee drinking wine with a straw?  Ghettoooooo!!!!!  Also why does Momma Dee talk about Scrappy like he's really hot still?  Like stop saying he's the Prince of the South and ya'll have to protect the kingdom.  There is no kingdom to protect.
• Joseline's weave looks nice.
• *record scratch* K. Michelle has never released an album?!  Say whaaaaat?  I could have sworn she had at least one.
• Kim Kardashian is a very good looking pregnant woman.  It almost makes me anticipate pregnancy...wayyyyyyyy down the road.
• Ever since Ciara's Body Party video came out I've been practicing my own routine for the special somebody...wherever they might be.  Regardless I'm ready.
• Speaking of music videos, Alicia Keys and Maxwell's new video have me ready to visit New Orleans just to find a hole in the wall club with no A/C where I can dance the night away and leave with a sweat drenched dress.
• It's time for me to get braids.  I won't have time to twist my own hair once out of the week when my training program starts.
• Beyonce, please just release this Grown Woman single.  I'm tired of rewatching the Paris performance of it.
• I'm seriously about to find a way to teach a cycling class.  I find it funny that the first time I tried it back in college I hated it, but now it's the highlight of my week.
• April 25th-The day all Scandal fans cried because of Huck.
• Mellie, you're still a b*tch.  Like a big time b*tch.
• I seriously want a ginger baby.  Like seriously I want my Black baby to come out with red hair and little brown freckles.  If that doesn't happen I'll adopt a white ginger baby.
• Blue Ivy is quite an adorable child.
• My uncle asked me how much a bottle of Grey Goose cost.  My family thinks I'm an alcoholic ya'll.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday, so you know the deal...

• Went to Pajama Jam to indulge in one more UGA party.  Best time of my life.  Point.  Blank.  Period.
• Cyndi Lauper ruined Otis Redding's Try A Little Tenderness when she performed it on The White House's Memphis Soul concert.
• Speaking of Cyndi Lauper, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun is not a cute song while cycling.  Neither is Ciara's Ride or any other song I used to love until it was introduced in either of my cycling classes.
• There's a Christian couple out there abstaining from sex and they're already married. I'm sorry but that's part of the whole excitement of getting married.  If you're not getting it in then why get married?  Nevermind I was informed that was a satire website.
• Saw my old beautician from like 11th grade today.  He looked at my hair and said, "You finally went natural after all those times I burned your scalp."  I awkwardly laughed because he seriously burned the hell out of my scalp.
• Squats after a run are a horrible idea.
• I had a customer ask me if she could get a military discount on a gift card.  I was at a lost for words.  I also had a customer tell me to give him an adult and child ticket for him and his CLEARLY grown girlfriend.  Like negro, don't be that cheap...please!  In addition to this the negro had THE NERVE to call me "scared."  Naw mu'f*cka, I just like having a job.
• My male friend is starting to read my feelings too much for me.  No bueno!
• Why is this house so damn hot?!?!?!
• I'm trying to adjust to lipstick.  This is hard but they do look good on me.
• I think Hamburger Helper is starting to disgust me.
• Got a free meal to some Italian place.  Time to treat myself.  Should I have the wine or the Italian cream soda with it?  Decisions, decisions.
• I have a confession.   When I was growing up I wanted to be a writer.  Like write books and all that.  I remember for my 4th grade career day I dressed up and walked around all day with a book and oversized glasses.  
• Eddie Redmayne, the dude from Les Miserables and My Week With Marilyn, can get it with his fine, freckled face behind.
• Everytime this Southpark episode with Butters becoming obsessed with a girl from Raisins comes on I have to watch.  It's just hilarious to me!  Hey cutie!  Welcome to Raisins!
• Follow me on Goodreads!!!  Please?!
• Bought this Revlon color stick in a color called Cherish.  It's all right.  Very subtle which I like.
• I'm guessing Brittney Griner discussed her sexuality recently after the WNBA Draft.  Ummmm if anyone thought she was into penis to begin with they were a fool.
• Did Justin Bieber seriously go to The Anne Frank House and write that he believed she would have been a "Bielber" or whatever the hell his fans call themselves?
• I'm starting to realize that the attraction I've developed somewhat towards Jay-Z is because of his business savvy.  Yeah he might not be the cutest man in the world, but damn it he's smart as hell about what he ventures into.  Who doesn't like a man that's on top of his game?
• I just submitted my picture to be in the UGA promo commercial. Fingers crossed that I make it!

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• After hearing Amy Winehouse's "Back To Black" single I'm not sure Beyonce doing cover is the greatest thing.  Like I really felt Amy's version of the song because her voice is so soulful.  Beyonce, although I love her voice, has more of a commercial/pop voice.  Oh well we'll see.
• I'm in the mood for writing.  I seriously need to sit down and write all of my thoughts out.
• You ever just wanna tell somebody to get the f*ck out of your face?  Like not even in an angry type of voice.  Just look at them dead in the face with the calmest eyes, blink twice, and say politely "Get the f*ck out of my face."  Then just stare at them with calmness in your eyes as they're lost in regards to what just happened?  
• Ray J is coming out with a song called, "I Hit It First" in regards to Kim Kardashian.  Somebody get him several seats.  I don't care if it's a lawn chair, a bar stool, a bean bag, or a rocking chair.  He needs to SIT DOWN!
• Oprah why did you dress up as Miss. Sophia to create a commercial with Tyler Perry's Medea?  Like seriously.  Alicia Walker did not approve of this coonery.  
• Dear Trinidad James, what is the difference between a main chick and a main guhl?  I thought they were the same but according to you these two women, in addition to your side chick, are no longer feeling you anymore.  Please elaborate for me.
• My Dad said I should cut the "baby hair" on the nape of my neck.  I just about went off on that old man.  This is very soft and well maintained hair.  I'm not walking around here with little naps.  It shows the Native American side of my family...'cause all Black people claim that.
• Speaking of hair I still want to get mine blown out.  Who wants to make a donation to, Help Brittany Look Like She's Just Got A Fresh Relax?
• Finally read about this Mendeecees character from Love & Hip Hop:  New York.  Ummmmm why is Yandy with him?!  He's been to jail for being a part of a drug ring, accused of child molestation, and now he's back in jail on trial for selling drugs...AGAIN.  Like Yandy seems to have her ish together.  She can't find a black man without all this baggage?  Or a white one?
• I was told that I look like I run through parks.  I have never felt so warm and tingly.
• I want a diamond candle.
• I went to this event downtown in my hometown for Masters Week that let people sample food from different restaurants in the area.  Oh.  Em.  Gee.  I was such a fatty!  I had like three samples of pita bread and hummus, four mini-cake bites, two things of Marcos pizza, etc.  I only paid $1 to get in and I left feeling so full!
• Someone tell LL Cool J to have SEVERAL seats with this new collaboration he has with Brad Paisley.  Like not four seats but an arena full of seats.
• Farrah from MTV's Teen Mom is an aspiring porn star it seems.
• I really want to teach a cycling class.  I need to get better first, but yeah I'll add that to my life goals.
• I seriously hate the ghetto bowling alley in my city, but I can't be too mad when they offer two hours of bowling for $12 including shoes.
• J. Cole is that dude.  He might be crazy, but he's that dude.
• Whenever I'm singing and my Mom joins in have to remind her that I'm Beyonce and she's Kelly.  Not Michelle, but Kelly.  Why?  Because she'll never be as good as me and be forced to live in my shadows for an eternity.

My ponytail is longer than this when I have it twisted up.  I just wanted ya'll to know.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• My friend and I went to a 70's themed event last Friday for a local fraternity.  The first ten minutes or so of our night was made of us debating if this man was gay.  This is life.
• Black people ya'll need to calm down when Tyler Perry movies comes out.  I understand being supportive but yeah.
• Speaking of Tyler Perry movies, Lance Gross can get it.  Ya'll know I like chocolate.
• Tell me why this little boy slapped this other boy in the head during Easter Service.  Like I heard that crap.  You're not safe anywhere anymore I guess.
• I'm pretty sure I ate like 18 rolls from Ryan's between Sunday and Tuesday.  Dinner rolls/biscuits are my ultimate weakness.  
• The girl at Vitamin Shoppe has already started to remember my face.  We actually had a conversation this when I was in there this week.  Now I'm afraid to go back.  Not because of her but because I don't want to seem like a health food junkie.
• It seems that I give off the vibe of asexual to some people.  Particularly one of my friends.  I'll be damned.  I gotta start acting like I need The D or something.
• I'm pretty sure the cashier at GNC was flirting with me as I paid for my overpriced bottle of coconut oil.
• Lent is over and I can eat desserts again.  You guys I have relapsed soooooooo hard.  I'm pretty sure this is what it feels like for a recovering addict to relapse.  It's not a good feeling.
• Wreck It Ralph was such a cute movie.  I guess Disney forgot to call me up about doing some voice over work.
• Have you guys read the article about how college girls need to find their husbands while they're still in college?  College was the LAST place I imagined finding a husband and I credit that to the  forums I went to put on by The Alphas.  Hell, finding a girlfriend is probably the last concern for men when there are so many girls willing to have no strings attracted sex.  This woman obviously doesn't know how life is nowadays.
•  Speaking of relationships, I wonder what everyone's view is on "dating down."
• There's this old man that comes to my job and he is sooooooo in love with his wife.  Like I just pray I find somebody like that in my lifetime.
• I don't appreciate my treadmill pretty much saying, "F*ck that break you want" after I took the speed down to 3.0 to walk a little bit.  Within five seconds it shot back up to 5.9.  Luckily I was paying attention.
• WTF Shonda Rhimes?!  Scandal JUST had what felt like a two month break!  Now I've gotta wait THREE weeks for a new episodes?!  You are killing me I swear.
• Beyonce is out here making commercials in outfits that she wore when I was in elementary/middle school.  I'm jealous.
• Lolo Jones is trying to get that Olympic medal anyway possible I see.
• The Rza said the best sex he ever had was when he was 16 with a crackhead.  Some stuff you just don't admit.
• Well I nearly lost my Twitter account.  Good thing I checked my e-mails.

Tyler Perry's Temptation: "Confessions of a Marriage Counselor"

Okay so I normally don't watch Tyler Perry films, but there was something about this one that sparked my interest.  I'm not sure if it were the previews, the controversy that surrounded it because of Kim Kardashian "fixing" the lead female character (Which she really doesn't.  Kim's role is more of the uh, how do I say this, the bitch at work who hates on you because she's probably jealous.), or the fact that my boo Lance Gross was in.  Regardless I saw it.  Now I went in expecting the usual Tyler Perry, which is constant reminders of follow the Lord and don't let the devil get to you.  Don't worry there was plenty of that as the lead female's (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) mother was a reverend, how early on in the movie it is mentioned the mother and daughter would walk to church, and Jurnee's little mention that she is a Christian so she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.  All in all the film was somewhat decent.  Although the timeline of the movie is horrible as the married couple go from looking like they were teenagers in the 90's (thanks to that Kid high top fade) when they're really only 25/26).   Don't get me started on the aging.  I believe that Perry needs to hang up the screenwriting hat and just hire someone else.

You're  Happy Until Someone Else Comes In The Picture Saying Things Could Be Better
Obviously the film is highly targeted at young adults.  All of the leads are portrayed as being in their 20's with Jurnee's character mentioning that she'll be turning 26 in a few days.  Perry really plays up Jurnee being this country hick that's moved to a big city just in the ways that she dresses and Kim Kardashian's character is there to remind us that Jurnee really can't dress.  (Sounds like art imitating life for Kim.)  This rich billionaire enters the picture and is pushing really hard to give Jurnee The D.  Like seriously, he wants to offer that to her bad.  She seems to be in love with her husband and mentioning little things about him, but she soon starts to fall victim to...temptation.  Robbie Jones plays Harley, the seducer, and makes little inappropriate comments that spark Jurnee's interest in just how much greener the grass on the other side is.  He tells her how sex should be.  Which is not in a bed but more like animals having sex any and everywhere instead of the same mundane places.  Of course this dumb girl takes it to heart and goes home slapping her husband in an effort to have sex like animals.  She was so content with her sex life until someone else tells her that her man just isn't doing it right.  I'm sure you all know what this leads to without me saying it, but I will anyways. She finally caves in and get the billionaire D.  Ladies, don't be fooled by the d*ck talking abilities of men.  The same goes for men.  I will say that Perry took a different route instead of the fairy tale ending.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Sooooooo Kim Kardashian admits that Kanye is the reason she became a horrible dresser.  Well I think she kind of admitted that on Kourtney & Kim.
• I saw Spring Breakers.  What I learned from that film:  (1)  If you had to choose which Disney girl was the trillest Vanessa Hudgens would win hands down.  (2)  James Franco cannot rap.  (3)  If acting doesn't cut it anymore for Mr. Franco he can always pimp himself out or go into male porn.  He gave those two guns a major blow job.  (3) Whoever braided Mr. Franco's hair might have braided it a bit to tight.  I saw a few tension bumps around the edges.  (4)  It's normal to cut from a scene with girls talking about their need for penis to that of young adults getting jacked up on Jesus.  (5)  I GOT SHORTS!  I GOT SHORTS IN ERR COLOR!!!
• Why is Ciara's CD Fantasy Ride $12.99 on iTunes?  Like that album bombed like no other when it came out.  Ish should be $5.
• Can someone give Robin Thicke my number?
• Speaking of Mr. Thicke (that last name is sexy), why is it that I don't have any of his albums?
• What freaking fountain of youth is Pharrell drinking from?!?!  He's nearly 40 and looks like he's in his 20's.
• There's a man in my cycling class who can make a legit air horn sound with his mouth.  It took me a few weeks to figure out it was him and not the CDs that Sheena was playing.
• I swear Nike makes like the most comfortable workout pants.
• My review on The Game:
• Ciara's legs are to die for.
• Lauren London.  Thank your parents for giving you those good looks.  If not you would not have a career.
• Did Jason Pitts really just say he wished his father was dead so he could enjoy Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father?  Negro what?!
• Ciara's dress was extremely short and what are they talking about she just got off tour with Justin Timblerlake?  The writers of this show know they're trying to hype her on life support career up.
• I could have sworn Derwin didn't drink.
• So is headbutting becoming the new form of fighting these days?
• Is it bad that my only thought into the first 35 minutes of this show is getting a waffle with some scrambled eggs at Waffle House?
• Since when has Stanford created number one draft picks?
• TV shows make random hook ups seem so easy.   
• Did Jay-Z give consent to let his name be used in this show?
• When I think about Derwin deserves to get traded for not supporting Melanie.
• Well damn Ciara slept with The Blueprint.  I thought Lauren London's character was her friend.  His body was her party.
• Tasha Mack's voice is still annoying as hell.
• How is this show still surviving?
• Stacy from Let's Stay Together is the ish!  I'm her in a few years.
• Vodka=Ratchet Water...I LOVE IT!!!!
• After my cycling class I ran two miles.  When I got off the treadmill I thought I was walking on air.  Like I just floated over to the paper towels and disinfectant spray.  Praise God I didn't fall over.
• Finally saw Olympus Has Fallen.  Now minus a few things that made no sense that movie was awesome.  Now take in mind I highly doubt there's any secret service agent that's THAT bad ass making them capable of taking down an entire terrorist group but Gerard Butler will suffice.  Also I'm not really into Asian guys but Rick Yune can get it...if we got married.  I didn't like Angela Bassett's wig either.  Watch out for Asian tourist though ya'll.
• If you go to O'Charleys get that honey glazed chicken with a Spiked Southern Lemonade.  DELICIOUS!
• Dr. King was trill ya'll.
• Hope everyone has an awesome Easter a.k.a. New York Fashion Week in the Black church.  I already got my 24 inch Indian Remy weave to help celebrate Jesus rising again.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• So Ashanti is denying that she ever had a relationship with Nelly.  Please note that they were allegedly together for ten years.  I don't know what to believe with those two.  If they never had a relationship I don't understand why he was never with that new girl way before.  
• Lance Gross has a girlfriend. *falls to the floor*  WHY LAWD?!?!
• Evelyn Lozada's body is sickkkkkkkkk!  
• New music from Beyonce!  It's only about a minute or two singing and the rest is like this chopped & screwed version of her talking about her childhood.  She was in that Willie D video when she was like 14 (she sure as hell doesn't look 14) looking crazy ya'll.
• Allergy season is about to be in full effect.  My throat was extremely scratchy this past weekend and now I can't breathe.  Time to suffer because allergy meds don't work for me it seems.
• Tony Goldywn a.k.a. Fitz from Scandal was the voice behind Disney's Tarzan it seems.  Tarzan's attractiveness as a cartoon just increased.
• Sooooo I discovered Yoplait had/has cosmopolitan flavored yogurt.  I was close to buying it, but it came in a pack of eight.  Four being the cosmo flavor and four being the mixed fruit.  I didn't want to risk my money.
• In other news Lipton Honey & Tea: Dragon fruit and Peach is pretty damn good.
• Looked at some sheet music and could barely read the notes.  I think it's time to sit down at the piano and dust off my music abilities.  
• Please tell me why I went to this cycling class and the instructor said to leave the resistance on, but I clearly saw her take the resistance off of hers.
• So on Preachers' Daughters the Black girl has lied to her parents about a damn house party when she went to a hotel party that her ex put on.  Chileeeeeeeeee her dad's congregation is probably side eyeing the pastor's family.  The same goes for the girl with the baby.  She didn't even know who the father of her child was.  Bless her heart.  Last but not least the good girl.  Poor Kolby broke down when she found out her sister didn't wait until marriage to have sex.
• I was watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and discovered Dr. Preston Burke (the black doctor who used to blow Christina Yang's back out) is a Kappa.  Who would have known.
• I wonder if my old high school math teacher is still married to her husband.  I ask that because I swear within their first year of marriage she never had anything nice to say about him and by my senior year she was telling us about some show that told folks how to kill people without being caught.  One thing I do know is that if she killed him she's yet to be caught.
• Jurassic Park is being re-released.  I've never seen it before so I'm rather excited.
• I just imagined what it would feel like getting my nipples pierced and my legs gave out.  One more thing I won't be getting done in life.
• Dude, Bow Wow is 26!!!!  Like seriously that negro is getting old!
• Can someone please tell Keyshia Cole to sit down with her Beyonce hate.  Honey ain't nobody checking for you.  Hell have you even been on a world tour?  Yeah last I checked nobody was trying to sell body parts on the black market for your concert tickets.
• My parents need to send me to New Orleans on vacation.  Last time I went there I was 9 and my brother tried scaring me with all this voodoo talk.  No worries now.  I'm 23 and ready for Bourbon Street.
• Miley Cyrus is out here twerking and people are going crazy.  How long have Black girls been twerking?  Someone please pay homage to Twerk Team.
• I want to get my hair straightened!!!!  There's just too many factors that come into play as why I don't get it done.  The price and the huge possibility of me sweating it out at the gym.  Yes, black girl problems.  I should have just kept my relaxer.
• What in the hell is happening to Amanda Bynes?  I just saw that she got her cheeks pierced like Blac Chyna.  It's as if she's gone crazy.
• I had my first conference call for my teaching program.  I'm officially on boss status. *swings hair*

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Dear customers please stop trying to argue me down over coupons.  If your coupon expired I don't care.  I don't care if it just expired the day before.  It's no good.
• I went to my first cycling class.  I would like everyone to know that on that day I had bacon & ranch fries from Bruster's because I figured I'd just be a fatty.  I swear to you all once I started sweating I could smell the bacon and ranch oozing out of my skin.
• Does frozen yogurt count as a dessert?  Say no.
• This show Preachers' Daughters is pretty interesting.  I want to say the black girl is the worst, but she's second in line.  One girl has a baby and is unsure of who the father is.  That's pretty bad.  Then there's the one girl whose mom keeps saying "finger sex."  Of course "finger sex" is like the gateway sex to all that other stuff like backdoor sex, oral sex, and penetration.  Say no young girls.
• Brittany wants Havana Twist this summer.  I will get those.
• I really want to go buy a canvas, paint, and paint brushes.  Like I've always found painting to be cool and enjoyable even if I can barely draw a circle...or straight line.
• Thank you FedLoan service for reminding me that I have to start making payments in three more months.  You're oh so kind.
• Kim Kardashian is doing blood facials.  WTF?!  I guess whatever keeps Kanye happy.
• Did I ever tell you guys about the time I made homemade mashed potatoes?  No?  Oh I just wanted to let ya'll know I could do that.
• I want to go down to Louisiana and try some of Ms. Kay's food.  It sounds so good and extra Southern redneck.  
• The best episodes of First 48 are the ones were the suspect comes into the interrogating room and say, "You know I ain't kill nobody right?"  Ummm excuse me?  Can you just wait for them to ask you questions before making yourself sound guilty?
• My local Goodwill failed me in regards to jewelry.  All I wanted was a nice necklace.  Oh well I'll go to the one on Washington Road.
• I seriously want to block my Dad's number.  This man calls the house and my cell phone EVERYDAY.  I live here with him.  He didn't even call me this much when I was in college.
• Oz the Great and Powerful was just...boring to me.  I feel like it had a lot to do with the screenwriting, James Franco, and Mila Kunis.  Just things about those three things didn't sit right with me.  Also Oz somehow managed to have sex with at least two of the sisters.  Their parents didn't teach them anything about getting to know a man I guess.
• My kick boxing class has deceived me!  I went in there expecting to kick and punch a bag.  No I was just swinging at the air.  Where's the fun in that?  At least there was a good ab workout at the end.
• I've been rather angry lately.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• I bought some of that Pom Wonderful juice.  Lord Jesus I just about died after my first sip.  It was sooooooo sweet.  Then I saw there were like 32 grams of sugar in the little 8 ounce bottle I got.  I seriously can't stand super sweet juices anymore for some reason.  I'm currently a little light headed from it.  I pray I don't go in diabetic shock.
• I saw a man selling Girl Scout cookies at this church the down the street from me and proceeded to freak out in my, "Oh my GAWDDDDD Girl Scout cookies!!!!"  I forgot my windows were down until the man started smiling and laughing.
• My coworker/friend and I are trying to figure out the best way to talk to guys.  We're both too socially awkward to just walk up to someone and say, "Hey what's your name" or whatever the hell you say to guys you're trying to hit on without looking desperate.
• I recently sent in some information so I could volunteer with a local Girl Scout troop.  I figure it would be nice to do some work with young girls in the community and I'm sure one of them has a young, single daddy.
• Being healthy is too freaking expensive.  I want to make fruit smoothies but a bag of frozen fruit is like $10 I swear.
• Brandy said she feels like she's Sasha Fierce.  Hoe calm yo' a$$ down.
• I see Ciara is giving concerts out in local bathrooms.  Get yo' shine gurl!  At least her new song Body Party sounds somewhat decent for the first minute and a half.
• Bow Wow is so corny and has this huge ego for nothing.  Why did I ever like him?
• I seriously want to know what Lala Anthony's real hair looks like.  It has to be nice.  I just feel it.
• On of my coworkers told me her first impression of me was that I was a lesbian.  Well I'll be damned.
• Got my dress from Forever 21 that I talked about last week.  It fits perfectly.  I still can't gain any belly.
• I'd seriously love to work for a radio station or entertainment show just telling what's going on in celebrities' lives.  Like I'd be damn good at it I think.
• I'm watching old episodes of Duck Dynasty, and Phil and Kay are some freaks.
• So I went to Waffle House and while I was there one of the Black waitresses said to a white waitress, "If you really want to get me back you gotta find me when I have a fresh perm."  Chileeeeeeeeee she's tryna set that white girl up!  Like I just know it!  That girl would be signing her own death certificate if she tried to get whatever type of revenge on that girl after a touch up.
• I'm more convinced that Nicki Minaj's boobs are fake after watching the "Freaks" music video.
• I guess UPS and Fed Ex have just stopped delivering to your house.  Because the past two orders I've had from them will arrive in Augusta and be sent straight to the post office once they touch down in Augusta.
• My Mom just decided it would be appropriate to start reading about the benefits of orgasms in front of me from the new Essence magazine.  I put my plate in the sink and ran up stairs.  How dare she!

It's the First of the Month: Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• It's March 1.  Let us cue Bone Thugs-N-Harmony for a minute.
• Ya'll can I just say I can't stand sap a$$ negroes?  Like seriously.  I don't need to be reading all about your heartbreak via Facebook or Twitter.  Like I know I wrote a little sap blog about my break-up, but seriously some of ya'll need to calm the eff down.
• Adele won an Oscar.  You go girl!  Might I add she looked damn good while doing it?
• Can I just tell ya'll how much I LOVE Jennifer Lawrence?  Like she just seems so down to Earth.  Then the fact that she tripped while accepting her Academy Award makes her even more lovable.
• I bought a fitness ball from Walmart.  Please tell me why the only thing in there was the air pump.  No ball.  No exercise chart that was supposed to be included.  The struggle is real.   
• Watched another episode of Black Ink Crew.  I wanted to vomit over Dutchess's obsession with Ceasar (yes that's how his name is spelled).  I also wish she would stop calling herself a "Southern Belle."  Nothing about her reminds me of a Southern Belle.
• I'm convinced that the man I'm going to marry will be the man that I'm willing to fry chicken or fish for.  I say that because my behind does not fool around with no hot, boiling oil.  That's how I'll know when I'm in love.
• You haven't experienced pain until you do ball passes with a fitness ball I've discovered.  Get it right, get it tight is the motto though.  
• I did not like the pink prom dress that Anne Hathaway wore to The Oscars.  Looks like she got it from Ross in the dress section for $24.99.
• I really want a Brooklyn Nets t-shirt, but I refuse to pay  $8 shipping for one.
• Excuse me but who is Kim Kardashian to judge her sister for having children out of wedlock?  1.)  You have a sex tape.  2.)  You are married and pregnant by a man who is not your husband.  Do you truly have any room to judge?
• Somebody told me that I take really good care of myself today.  That made me feel good about myself.
• I mention this a lot, but I want to be a Bond Girl.  Like seriously.  Really bad.
• This Black Milk Company has come across my Facebook page twice in one day.  They're stuff is kind of cute.
• I just bought this cute dress from Forever 21.  It's a small.  I hope it fits when it gets here seeing how I just ate two slices of pizza and three slices of cheesy bread.
• When will these big companies learn that black face of any form is not acceptable?
• The itch to cut my hair really short has hit again.  Like big chop short.
• I just thought about how lucky Channing Tatum's wife is to be married to him.  Like I just imagine sex with him to be magical.  Where's my Magic Mike DVD?!

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• I GOT MY BEYONCE TICKET!!!!!!  AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO PROMISE MY FIRST BORN CHILD TO SOME RANDOM A$$ STRANGER!!!  YOU MAD?! *flips weave*
• Oh yeah, I love Beyonce but she's better seen and not heard...unless she's singing.  She's a horrible interviewer.  
• I accidentally touched a customer's hand on Monday and the guy says to me, "Oh Brittany you're trying to hold my hand!  Unfortunately I'm unhappily married so..."  I had no clue what to say besides awkwardly laugh.
• Everyone shouldn't be a parent.  I had this lady tell her 7 year old daughter (I believe it was her daughter), "Why you got that coat on?  It's ugly."  Please take note that it was like 30 or 40 degrees outside.  The little girl luckily answered with an intelligent, "Because it's cold."  She should have asked her mom why she had that bad weave in her head.
• I'm addicted to this "Bad" song by Wale.  I'm pretty sure I listened to it at least ten times in one day.
• Soooooooo I took my special education exams today for teaching.  Ya'll I was sitting in that test looking like, O_O.
• Terrance J is now single!  I've been waiting on this day ya'll!  *pushes boobs up*
• Rihanna has a line coming out with MAC!  OMG I love nearly every lipstick color that she wears.  She's just bad all around.  Minus that clothing line that she just displayed at Fashion Week in London I believe.
• I'm glad Alicia Keys did something different with her hair for Wendy Williams' show.  Now the NBA All-Star game is another story.  She's helping keep the JAM! super hold gel line in business though.
• I went to Miyako's Sunday and was eating on the leftover for two additional days.  Let me tell ya'll, I have zero clue what in the hell they cook their food with but EVERYTIME I ate that food I was knocked out for a good two hours.  No lie.  Like horse tranquilizers must be mixed into the seasoning.  
• So mothers are out here getting lap dances for their 13/16 year old son's birthday party nowadays huh?  I guess learning how to properly make it rain is a skilled that must be taught early on.
• Rob Kardashian is packing on the pounds I see.  Kris Jenner must have a weight loss deal in the works for him.
• I know that in the morning my arms and hands are going to be soooooooo sore.  Jesus be some Bengay and a heating pad.  I hit that chair spin, while reversing mid-spin, and hit that backwards hook spin though.
• If my Mom says one more thing about my hair I'm going to go AWF on this woman.  I'm just at a point where I don't care right now.  Maybe I should just chop this sh*t off.  Then she can't say anything...let me stop.  I know she'll find something for the hell of it.
• I went to what I thought was going to be a stretching and flexibility class.  Turns out it was a strengthening and flexibility class.  I was trying to hit freaking crunches in mid-air.  Oh the pain!
• I want THIS dress.  Someone spend money on little ol' me!
• Amber Rose finally gave birth to the child she's been carrying around as long as a baby elephant!  Congrats to her and Wiz Khalifa.

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• Let's do a Grammys recap
• Let us all have a moment of silence for Katy Perry's boobs at The Grammys.  Like they were just...perfect.
• J. Lo you have some badddddddddddddd legs!  Like I have nice legs, but Lord how can I get mine like hers?
• Beyonce you have a nice butt.
• The best decision Kelly Rowland ever made was that boob job.
• Rihanna and Chris Brown made it to the show this time.  Let us hope they can make it back home safely.
• I had to laugh my a$$ off after Frank Ocean beat Chris Brown.
• Rihanna was sounding like she was struggling during that Bob Marley tribute.  They should have got Lauryn Hill.
• Carrie Underwood has one of the prettiest voices.
• I guess Prince just doesn't age.
• I love Frank Ocean, but Frank Ocean performing live is another story.  I thought I was about to die of boredom. 
• Was Alicia Keys trying to channel Sheila E at The Grammys beating on those drums?
• Just watched Keeping Up With the Kardashians.  Kris Jenner has ZERO loyalty to anyone besides Kim I swear.  I bet if Kim told her to marry some random man off the street she'd leave her husband in a heart beat.
• We can add Amber Rose to the list of celebrities that carry babies as long as elephants.  
• Duchess (from Black Ink) you are dumb as hell for going out on a date and sleeping with Ceaser (yes that's how his name is spelled).  If there's one thing I've learned in life, don't mix business with pleasure.  In addition to that the man has a child with a woman who was only a friend with benefits.  WTF?!?!  Plus it seems like she's just in LOVE with the man after one date.
• I would sell my soul to figure out what fountain of youth Halle Berry is drinking from.
• I'm just learning about this new version of the Harlem Shake.  It.  Is.  Hilarious.
• Some pastor in Augusta has upset someone.  They printed fliers off talking about how un-Godly he was and that he was sleeping with a member of his congregation.  Chileeeeeeeee...*neck roll and beats weave*
• I miss Athens.  I miss Sriacha sauce.  I pray they sell it in my local Walmart.  My eggs are naked without it.  I guess these jalapeno peppers will have to do.
• I watched Top Gun.  Tom Cruise you used to be extremely sexy.  
• I saw a woman drinking Coca Cola out of two liter bottle.  I had the most disgusted look on my face ya'll.  
• Thursday Night=SUPER FUN!

Friday Ramblings

It's Friday so you know the deal...

• OH MAH GAWD DID YOU GUYS SEE BEYONCE SLAY THE SUPER BOWL HALF TIME SHOW?!?!  LIKE SERIOUSLY THE POWER WENT OUT!  THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD HAVE TOPPED THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF BANE CAME OUT.
• Sorry I typed that in all caps.  I was excited.
• My friend and I are currently on the search for cute men in Augusta.  Well not a search but we're wondering where they're at.  SHOW YO' SELF FOOL!
• I finally tried Zumba out.  That ish is fun as hell.  Who knew I could use my twerking skills towards something positive in life.
• Even though I can't stand the name Mendecees or however the hell you spell it I must admit he is kind of fine.  For those of ya'll who don't know who I'm talking about that's Yandy's man from Love & Hip Hop.
• Also I'm kind of obsessed with this Black Ink show.  I cannot stand looking at Dutchess talk though.  Like something about seeing and hearing her speak annoys the hell out of me.
• Lil' negroes in Augusta tryna fight outside Forever 21.  What ya'll are NOT gonna do is disrespect that store like that.  Take your behinds down to Charlotte Russe a.k.a. A Far Less Classy Place.
• I'm about to sell my kidney on the black market in order to get these Beyonce tickets.  Don't judge me ya'll!
• I'm going through my tattoo phase again.  *sigh*  By next week it'll be over.
• OMG I'm just realizing Joe Budden says, "Baby like it raw.  I don't even use a magnum" on this She Don't Put It Down song.  Nastyyyyy
• Shout out to Michelle Williams for nearly falling on her face when she popped up on stage.  You're lucky you caught yourself b/c Beyonce and Kelly will still replace your behind even if ya'll aren't together anymore.
• I bought sexy undergarments...that only I'll see.
• I accidentally opened a package up that belonged to my Dad.  I am forever damaged by it.
• Being the good daughter I am I agreed to go to a line dancing class with my Mom.  I was the youngest person in there besides the little kid with her happy meal, but I must admit I had fun.  A lot of the dances were things I'd never seen.  Shout out to my elementary school P.E. coach for being the main one to show me how to do the dances.
• On that note, my Mom has no rhythm or coordination.  She didn't take it very well when I told her that though.
• Tyrese has a relationship book coming out despite barely being able to demonstrate his knowledge of the English language while on Twitter.  Thankfully Rev. Run (from Run-DMC) is a co-author of it because I don't want Tyrese's love advice when he thinks women should just accept men cheating.
• I'm slowly becoming a master at pole dancing...well the beginner level.
• Say it ain't so Fitz!!!!!!!  SAY IT AIN'T SO!

It's About To Go Down: Key Lime Cake

 

Saturday night I walked downstairs into my kitchen and said to my Mom, "Betty Crocker's in the building!"  I wish I could find the image of Beyonce walking into her last tour with the sequin outfit when she tousles her hair because that's how my entrance was or like this.  EPIC!  Okay but on a serious note, for the Superbowl I agreed to bake a cake for my Dad's "party."  I decided on key lime cake for two reasons:  1.)  The first time I made it back in 2009 it was an epic failure!  I bought the wrong type of lime jello.  I got excited and tried taking it out of the pan BEFORE it cooled down resulting in it falling apart.  Plus it was overcooked.  God bless my boyfriend at the time for saying it was good as he worked his way around the burned edges.  2.)  The last time I bought some from a restaurant my Mom decided to eat it without consulting with me.  So here we are, baking a cake, and ish.