Monday, November 5, 2012

All The Single Ladies

There are times when I question if I'm made for seriously.  There are some people out there who have been with someone for over 30 years and preach everyday about how much they still love the person.  Let's not even get started on folks who have been together 50-60 years.  My parents have been married for 33 years and I question how in the hell they do it.  They're not this super affectionate couple like the ones I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph.  I've never seen them hold hands in public or simply in the car while driving.  They kiss and all that junk every blue moon for which I still turn my face like a 5 year old but I kind of don't see how they do it.  I've had a total of two boyfriends, one that I'm currently dating, and after a year or so I just become so damn aggravated with little things that I question how in the hell am I supposed to make this last a LIFETIME.  Hell I even give kudos to those people that have been boyfriend and girlfriend for five years because I question if I can even do that...sounds horrible I know.

There are times when I think maybe I should just have a long term boyfriend because marriage is just changing your last time honestly, but then I think of other things.  I'd prefer to have kids with the man I'm married to and you kind of get insurance benefits for marriage which is pretty important in this time, not sure about ones for common law marriage.  Plus I'm from the South.  My parents are not about that live in boyfriend/baby mama stuff.  My Dad asked me what my plans were post-graduation and I jokingly said I would move in with my boyfriend.  He didn't start screaming or anything, but the look on his face as he shook his head and told me "That's a bad idea" said so much more than he intended.  Like I'm pretty sure if I ever moved in with any man that was just a boyfriend my parents would never come visit me...well stay with me which may not be the worst thing in the world.  I'm not striving for some type of Nola Darling lifestyle were I have multiple men rotating in and out of my bed as I'm not about that life and never will be, but the thought of not legally settling down isn't the worst thing in the world.

Of course I am 22 years old and probably one of the most lost souls in the world right now.  One day I know what I want to do with my life and the next I'm back at square one crying at the thought of living in a cardboard box downtown.  Tomorrow I'll probably be talking about how I can't wait to be married and reblogging wedding dresses on Tumblr because low key I've already started planning my wedding out despite all of these thoughts.  This might be a sign that I need to wait until my late 20's/early 30's to even consider marriage or else I'll be doomed.    I think this entire post is inspired by Halle Berry's interview with Wendy Williams and how Halle said she's probably a better mother at 46 than she could have ever imaged in her 20's.  Plus sitting in my room bored on the night of Homecoming.  Being a mom and being married are pretty similar...right?

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