Friday, November 23, 2012

Black Friday Ramblings

It's been two weeks, but you know the deal...

  • So I just watched this Catfish show.  Lord have mercy.  I would die if I ended up on a show like this and the man didn't look anything like the pictures he sent me.  I'd probably go ape sh*t crazy man.
  • I just tried to do the Gangham style dance with no bra on.  Not the move ya'll.  Too much jiggle going on.   My Mom knows how to do it though.  For a brief moment she looked like she was twerking.  The butt was moving one too many times in rapid motion for me.
  • I'm convinced that I'm just going to be single forever.  Everyone that I date just doesn't work out.  Of course I'm only 22 years old and I haven't been single longer than six months in the past five years.  Maybe it just means that I need to take a break and evaluate myself and what I want in a partner.  Number one being communication.
  • This Honey Boo Boo show is hilarious.  I don't have a tv in Athens so I don't get to enjoy this ratchet red neck ish.  I like how they use deer meat to make spaghetti.  "I ain't had road kill in my belly for awhile."
  • My Mom just said my cousin Ashley reminds her of Honey Boo Boo.  Well when Ashley was like 6 or 7 years old.  She proceeded to bring up the time Ashley went HULK on my Grandpa over a honey bun.  I died a little bit.
  • I just turned the volume up on my Pandora to damn "I Wanna Sex You Up" while my Mom was downstairs.  I'm pretty sure nobody's mom wants to hear their child listening to something saying, "Making love until we drown."  That's just nasty.
  • My cousin Ken told me not to bring any white men to any family functions.  I told him that's next up on my list.  He then proceeded to tell me to find a rich one and leave him after a few years.  He said I need to do them like the white girls do the rich Black men.
  • My aunt went around asking all my older male cousins with kids if they've put their women up on counters and put it on 'em.  I was done with her.
  • The "Annie" that is spoke of in Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" was a CPR dummy.  You guys if this man wasn't a genius I swear...
  • I have to make a confession:  Deep down inside I want to be a housewife or baker.  I made an extremely moist red velvet cake ya'll and smashed the pecans up to put on the side like they do in the store.  Ish was good.  I just need to learn how to make the icing look really pretty.  One day ya'll.
  • When I find a husband I swear I'm gonna recite the intro to Michael Jackson "I Just Can't Stop Lovin' You. "I just want to lay next to you for awhile.  You look so beautiful tonight.  Your eyes are so lovely.  Your mouth is so sweet...I just want to touch you and hold you.  I need you.  God I need you.  I love you so much."
  • Time to start making those New Year's plans to bring in 2013.  Let me go ahead and find my sexy dress.
  • I just told my ex if he writes an album about me I better get my cut.  On that note I will say that this could possibly be a pleasant friendship post-relationship even though the thought of punching him in the face or busting the windows out of his car with a baseball bat have been thoughts in my mind for a brief moment or two.  Sorry dude.

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