Monday, May 7, 2012

We're All Self-Conscious I'm Just The First To Admit It

My dear friend Sir Vantes made a blog today about how he's been seeing a ton of the people that he follows on Tumblr talking about how they don't like certain things about themselves, and as I read it truly SPOKE to me ya'll.  For a minute I thought, "Damn is this blog about me?"  Then I came back to reality.  We all have our little insecurities and I decided to write a little bit about mine.
Since I was a child I have had the biggest issue with this crazy mane of mine!  When I was younger with a head full of nappy hair (as my mother called it) I wanted to have long blonde hair that I could swing around like all the girls who went to private school with me.  I'd pray every night to wake up with that hair, but when my Mom woke me up it was right back to me flinching as she put my hair into my classic pigtails that I wore until 7th grade!  Between that time I did get relaxers and go natural multiple times.  When I got into high school I had to do my own hair and I always wore ponytails with my damaged hair relaxed hair.  I wanted that ish to swing and hang like all friends after they got a wrap...never happened until 12th grade when I went to a different beautician after my hair broke off from my Cotillion weave.  Now I'm back on the natural tip and wondering why this ish won't grow for me!  Some people LOVE my hair when I'm rocking a twist out, but they don't know the ish I have to go through for it.  Every other week I'm ready to chop it off and I chicken out.  My hair grows, but due to having dry hair and not properly moisturizing it I always have to get it cut.  Plus I hate when I'm separating it and I can literally just pull at my ends and hair just comes out.  

Here's something that I haven't always had issues with, but it has always caused some issue with me.  I had a horrible case of chicken pox back when I was a yungin'.  I think I got them when I was two or three.  Well according to my family I had them all over my body with blisters on the bottom of my feet.  When my Grandpa was alive he would tell me about my Mom laying in bed with me just spreading something on my body as I lay helpless.  I do have memories of her putting tons of cocoa butter on me every morning and night for the scars I had left over.  Like seriously my legs were covered in dark brown marks.  I do have a few scars left over from them like one on my leg and some little marks on my stomach and hand.  I later on had hives, but it wasn't as tragic as my chicken pox story.  Now I'm still dealing with acne which is ridiculous because I'm 22.  I feel like this is such a teenager problem and I've had it since the 7th grade!  I didn't wear tank tops from 7th-11th grade because I didn't want anybody to see my arms and back.  I kind of grew to accept it which is when it calmed down, but I always feel jealous when I see people with skin that looks like they're a Nivea skin care model.

Ya'll I need to get in the gym and do some crunches like a mo'fo.  I have a horrible diet and don't exercise.  Everyone thinks I'm Skinny Minnie when they look at me, but I can grab a big handful of belly fat.  Every year I tell myself I'm going to do something, but nothing changes.  I want to wear cut off shirts so bad and I could if I just didn't care, but due to my ability to know what looks  a hot mess I stop myself from buying those shirts.  I just wish other girls thought like me.

Plain and simple, I want a booty like Nicki.  I don't if it's real or fake.  I just want it!  My Mom's family all has these Serena William booties that you can put a whole meal on almost and my Dad's family has pancake booties.  I got a combo of the two.  It's wide but it just doesn't want to pop out.  One day though!

1 comment:

  1. We are definitely hair sisters!! I never experienced this sort of dryness until I went natural. The only thing that has worked for me is Cantu Shea Butter leave in.


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